THE UNBELIVER’S GUIDE: The four types of Christians and the ONE you must avoid PT 1

Anyone can claim to be a Christian but their orientations, modus operandi and general attitude differ. As such I’ve decided to classify Christians into 4 main echelons:
1. The indifferent believer: You know the type person who says he/she is a Christian but they are so indifferent, consistent in displaying a habitual dispassion and lack luster for the church and anything pertaining to Christendom. This type of Christian doesn’t own a bible, if he/she by chance should own one; it’ll look like a well kept quantum physics text book that has survived the cold war through the 1980s till date. The magnanimity of the dust on their bible is so mean they can give a polar bear instant asthma. These kind of Christians, do not belong to a church nor have a place of worship or a pastor (to some “papa-in-the-lord”, they call it). However they are still Christians. If you happen to ask them where they worship or what church they attain, their typical response will be one of the following :
– “I worship God in my home”,
-“Do I have to belong to a church before I worship God?”
– “I was dedicated in the XYZ Church, my parents attend XYZ church, hence, I’m a XYZ member”
These kinds of Christians, their favorite day of the week is Sunday, for nothing separates their penchant for their video games, TV, soccer, sleep or internet. Even their fellow Christians know this. If they are invited by the other set of Santa Claus Brigade to their Sunday services, they’ll give excuses like:
– “I was unprepared”,
– “I want to do laundry”,
– “My friend is doing a child celebration in his church and I can’t miss it, maybe next Sunday”
– “I’m not feeling fine today”, etc
Nothing disgusts them more than their Christian counterparts who inundate them with their church invitations. With these kind of Christians, the pastor is broke, cos the pastor doesn’t see a dime of their penny. He doesn’t even attend the church, how they see his dime? As a matter of fact, pastors aren’t enthusiastic about them unless of course they happen to be very rich, that is when it’ll interest the holy spirit to evangelize to their souls.
The Jehovah witnesses can attest to these Sunday home-loving Christians, for no matter how much they knock on their gates and doors, there is never going to be someone at the door. If by coincidence they meet someone at the door, he’ll always have a legitimate excuse not to entertain them, one of such popular excuses is that “something is cooking on the fire”.
Talk anything with these Christians but not the church and the bible, for they do not have either of them. Besides John 3:16 and Psalms 23, they have no idea about anything in the bible. But if by chance they attend church, they always look cleaner than the preacher. One reason they’ll be moved to attend a church service is because its friend’s or relative’s child dedication ceremony, in the case of men, he’s chasing a lady, etc but something legitimate will always be the reason his feet will take a walk to the church. One more thing, some of them are great fans of 31st night/end of the year church services or 1st Sunday of the year service. Call them the ceremonial Christian aka Christian under duress.
These Christians normally do not have problems with the unbelievers like the atheists and the irreligious. As a matter of fact, these set of Christians love listening and socializing with the irreligious, for they are irreligious people in absentia or atheists/agnostics in the closest. Many of them won’t find the atheist annoying, but rather interesting and will ever be ebullient to have drinks and companionship with them. These kinds of Christians are naturally anti-pastors and preachers, all of them naturally see the preacher and church as a place of fleecing the sheeple. But one thing they’ll never do is to deny they aren’t Christians. To the other Christians, they are SINNERS and UNBELIEVERS like the atheists.

Part 2: THE LEVEL-PLAYING CHRISTIAN aka SUNDAY-SERVICE CHRISTIAN

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