THE UNBELIVER’S GUIDE: The four types of Christians and the ONE you must avoid PT 3


First of all; who is a “RELIGITARD”?
It is a term used to describe a “religious-retard” who is closed to the views and opinions of others, and who also voices their own opinions as fact; whilst committing crimes against human intelligence in the name of religion.

The proper religitard are the active church participants, the so called BORN AGAINERS, church workers, the lovers and worshipers of pastors, etc. You know the type of folks when their phone rings; you’ll hear an Oyedepo, Chris Onyakhilome or Adeboye voice echo “THIS WEEK IS YOUR WEEK…. AMEN!!!”, “YOU SHALL NOT DIE!! YOU ARE BLESSED!!”,etc, or you can hear the recitation of the Lord’s prayers or any of the religious audio insignia. The proper religitard is a closed-circuit headed Christian; they have abandoned using their sense of reasoning. As such, expecting anything intelligent from these folks is like expecting urine from a chicken. They are not found wanting in the four “SELF” syndromes: SELF-INDULGENCE, SELF-ABSORBED, SELF-SEEKING, SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS.

Everything about this type of Christian is a Me, I, Mine, My, etc. Utterances such as these are very typical of them: “everyone died in the accident but MY GOD saved me”, “MY GOD has blessed me”, “I AM BLESSED not lucky”, “MY GOD has lifted ME above MY ENEMIES”, “I AM a covenant child” “God has HONORED ME above my peers”, etc.

The proper religitard is a self-appointed speaker of God, the mouthpiece of heaven and the self-acclaimed ambassador of heaven. Below are the characteristics and symptoms of a Proper Religitard:

HYPOCRISY. All religitards are hypocrites; you can’t take howling away from the wolf. A typical female religitard will criticize the dress code, relationship and behavior of other females as IMMORAL, SINFUL, PROSTITUTING, etc but they are secretly getting laid by their pastors, choir leader or married man/ brother in the church. The male religitard will be the first to speak against FORNICATION and PER-MARITAL sex; meanwhile he keeps a beehive of porn tapes at home or in his mobile.

SELF ACCLAIMED SPIRITUALITY. The religitard is one that is avowed in their acclaimed spirituality. When it comes to matters of so called spiritual life and knowledge of God they are self-assertive in their robustness. All religitards claim they hear the voice of God or some Holy Spirit speaks to them. Nobody prays better than them; some take their prayer-fulness to a nocturnal level. I register my condolence anyone that shares the same dormitory, flat or apartment with these type of religitard, its either you co-operate with their spiritual warfare or you complain and become an agent of Satan. In my country Nigeria, they every landlord’s and co-tenant’s nightmare, once you complain, you are a witch or wizard that is affected by their mid-night prayers.

They are never lacking in their boast of some spiritual gift and I need not forget to mention that God knows them personally because they are so important to him and have established a special relationship with him which others are not privilege to. In Pentecostal churches you will always find them speaking in tongues; you cannot separate speaking in tongues from a Pentecostal religitard. You can see them waking up one morning to say “God spoke to me in the dream, that so and so lady is an agent of darkness”, and boom! Anarchy comes knocking. The religitard is the one whom God reveals their future husband and wife to in the dream. They are the ones who are shown in the dream that they are ones their bachelor pastor will marry. The religitard is one whom God shows a vision, gives a word of knowledge and prophecy. The religitard must be a social nuisance to be complete.

SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS. First and foremost, the religitard is a BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN. A religitard is one who is always right in his/her faith, feelings, suspicion, and of course no one knows God and the scriptures better than them. Their fellow Christians know this about them. No one does it better than them, no one knows it better than them; no one is more right-standing like them except their pastors. Their drive from self-righteousness has made them problem makers in social organizations, including the church. Whenever you hear of a fight, controversy or scandal in the church, it is definitely the handiwork of religitards.

MINISTRY/CALL SYNDROME. Since a typical religitard is an active church participant, they are usually deluded with the “I-AM-DOING-MY-MINISTRY syndrome”, “I-AM-ANSWERING-TO-THE-CALLING-OF-HOLY GHOST syndrome”. The religitard is always on the conviction that they are commissioned with some kind of ministry from God. If a religitard is gifted with some kind of talent like singing, dancing, speaking, writing, playing instrumentals, etc they are always on the self-delusion that some holy spirit is calling them to use their talent for FISHING for Christ and promoting the gospel.

ANTI-INTELLIGENCE> since these folks have readily abandoned the use of their intellect, it is inherent of them to dislike and display crass nausea against anything intelligent and intellectual in nature. When it comes to the IQ level of these folks, there is no contest at the bottom of the ladder for them. They hate intelligent people, one of the recounting utterances from their likes would be in this manner “Philosophy is meaningless”, “Scientists are agents of darkness, “logic is nonsense”, etc. When often confronted with a superior intellect and argument, they often respond saying “RUBBISH”, “NONSENSE”, “FOOL”, etc you cannot expect decorum and rational discuss with these type of people. They are set of Christians that say some of the most stupid things ever. If you’re an unbeliever, don’t even bother engaging them in an intelligent debate, they use dumb-ass logic and foolish scientific claims to assuage their buffoonery for example: “Even science and scientists have proven that there is God and that the word of God is true”, “Einstein used the bible to proof the law of relativity”, “evolution has no scientific prove”, “all scientific inventions had earlier existed in the bible”, “Any scientist that does not believe in God is not a true scientist”, just to name a few etc.

The pastorpreneurs love these kinds of Christians; they are the foot soldiers of their business houses aka church, for their skills and talent is the oil that lubricates the business empires of pastorpreneurs. As such, when a pastorpreneur sees these kinds of Christians, he is quick to convince and preach to them that they for a HIGHER PURPOSE or CALLING, and will give them some kind of prophecy that they’ll be singing, dancing, playing instruments (depending on their skill and talent) in front of a large congregation, where the anointing of the holy ghost will spread like fire, and that “NATIONS SHALL SEEK THEM” (of course that is the topmost prayer point of every religitard).
You know the type of Christians that patronize religious stickers? That is definitely a Proper Religitard. It is impossible to find the entrance door of their homes blank or plain; there must be some religious emblem and sticker with a loud rhetoric saying something, inter alia, “JESUS’ HOME”, “THE BLOOD OF JESUS”, “I AM A WINNER”, “REDEEM FAMILY”, “2014: MY YEAR OF HARVEST”, etc, just to name a few.

Once you see the car of a religitard, the stickers on them will do the talking, as a matter of fact a religitard’s car would have more than one sticker and religious emblem on it bearing phrases like “RELAX, JESUS IS IN CHARGE”, “SHUT UP! ARE YOU GOD!?”, “THE FOOL SAYS THERE IS NO GOD”, “SUDDENLY! GOD DID IT”, “JESUS IS ALIVE”, and in some cases bible quotes and verses.

These kinds of Christians are social terrorists both to their fellow Christians and non-believers. They are the ones who lie for God and their pastors. So it’s not surprising to hear them claim they went to heaven and hell and returned. They are the ones who always have dreams and revelations that another person is a witch, wizard or agent darkness. They are the ones who destroy social organizations, homes, marriages and even their churches.

They are busy-bodies par-excellence, unstable people, and “amebor” for the lord, willy-nilly; they must want to partake in church activities. That is why you’ll find them in the choir, ushering, protocol and prayer departments. If come across any of them just RUN! I repeat, RUN! They are the types that lurk around the pages of unbelievers and the atheists on social media like Facebook, to threaten them with imaginary retribution and defend God on behalf of God. The the ones who come on people’s walls to detect to them what to write and say.
One very common trend about them on the social media is that they are quick to distance themselves from being religious, rather they identify themselves as spiritual and loving but this is a part of their inherent hypocrisy and self-contradiction. They run around engaging their attention on any updates pertaining to religion and advertizing their empty verbose.

A lot of them are chronic liars and psychotic social terrorists, try as much as possible to avoid any social engagement/relationship with them, unless of course you are a religitard like them. The energy they carry with them is poisonous, infectious and communicable. Only religitards tolerate religitards. Do not say this Son of David right here did not warn you!



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