THE UNBELIEVER’S GUIDE: CATEGORIES OF RELIGITARDS AND HOW PEOPLE BECOME RELIGITARDS


Religitards like other group of people have their categories. I have decided to classify them into sub-categories:

i. THE PASSIVE RELIGITARD: is one who is not actively engaged in church activities. In some cases they may not belong to a particular church, but like the typical religitard, they must have a certain pastor or religious leader they’ll have affection and reverence for. The primary reason this type of religitards do not have a particular church at the moment is mostly because they had a fight and quarrel in their previous church, so they stayed away in anger and irritation.

On Sundays if they are not in church, they are definitely playing Christian music and listening to the TBN and Christian cable channels. They are the types that buy sermons on CDS and DVDS, which they mostly play on Sundays. Some high-voltage passive religitards may routinely play sermons in their cars even though they do not actively participate in the church.
When you ask them “what church do you worship in”, they’ll usually claim membership of the church of the preacher they revere the most, for example he can say “I am a member of the redeem church”, but they’ve not been to the Redeem Church in ages. Sometimes these kinds of religitards are quick to explain “I am composed of different Fathers-in-the-Lord. I cannot really say that a particular Man of God is my mentor because God has used different SHEPHERDS to groom me in the spirit”.

ii THE ACTIVE RELIGITARD: if this kind of religitard does not work or participate actively in a church or church activities, he/she will feel empty and restless. But when it comes to the active religitard there are of kinds:

a. ACTIVE RELIGITARD BY DURESS- this kind is an active religitard by circumstances beyond his/her control or anticipation. Most religitards that fall under this category are mostly those who have lost their jobs or unemployed. Their longing to get themselves entangled with activities to keep their minds and body busy has driven them into the scoffers of the church which is always open for people who are willing to dissipate their vigor, talent and skill into the pastor’s business. Their unemployment is the profit of the pastor, and many of them engage actively in church in the hope that the God will give them a job or the church can support them. Some even engage in the church actively as means of socializing and meeting people. When such individuals become employed, they usually abandon church work, and the pastors will be whining on the pulpit about how the devil is made them lost the penchant for church. Unknown the pastorpreneur who is venting his loss of a labor, that the individual in person actually never desired what he did, he was merely working in church under duress.

b. ACTIVE RELIGITARD BY NATURAL COMPULSION is one that exists by natural circumstances. For example those whose parents are pastors and preachers. There is a popular observation that the offspring of pastors tend to bend towards indifference in religious activities and their lifestyle are somewhat secular and liberal. The children of many preachers tend to act this way because many of them are enthusiastic about church work. So they tend to be active religitards under natural compulsion of birth and family/environmental upbringing, as such when some of them happen to experience a breath of freedom, independence and self-autonomy, they happen to bend to their inward longing.

c. ACTIVE RELIGITARD BY ARTIFICIAL CIRCUMSTANCES occurs with individuals with individual who are happen to become religitards because of their personal goals/ desires or because of artificial influences like participating in church activities to gain favour from a superior and boss. Other become religitards because of their personal goals and desires, this is very common for the single women and spinsters in the third world nations like Nigeria, who become active in church activities in the search of a spouse. Many them think that by engage vigorously in church activities like choir and ushering, they’ll be noted by the teaming male church worshipers who may develop interest in them. This kind of drive is most often the reason of social anarchy in the church because people see themselves as competitors and commercial threats. In church departments like the ushering and choir which is predominantly occupied by the females, the anarchy and enmity is a well known occurrence. Many of the spinsters of this group are out for attention and attraction; as such they compete and fight themselves for it. In departments like the choir in the church, there is so much gossip, beefing and hating going on behind the scene. Everyone competes to be the lead singer, the praise and worship singer on Sundays. And these spinsters dress vehemently to be noticed and outshine their counterparts.

In churches where the congregation dances around the auditorium during the offering time, the religitard competitors would be seen on a dancing competition. The one who is usually best dressed sees that as an opportunity to flaunt her apparel, the good dancer would always want to show she has it in her and the sexy, curvy spinsters with sexy legs will wear a tight skirt accompanies with a matching high-heel shoes to show the congregation what they are made up of. The ladies with beautiful legs who are not talented in singing choose to be ushers which gives them the legitimacy to walk around the church with their high-heel shoes in display.
T
he men have a fair share of their guilt in this one. The male religitard who is a busy-body often love to be seen as the pastoral protocol and fake body-guards. You know the type of dudes that wear suits try’nna look like some Secret Service and Men In black shit around the pastor. You’ll see them running the pastor like they on some security shit. Stuffs like this make them feel on top of the world. Some male religitards in the congregation who are seeking the attention of their female religitards are often the first to move-out when the pastopreneur raising a demand for some money aka seed. They saunter slowly with shoulders high so the female religitards will know they have some papers in their wallet.

Also they are usually in a quiet competition with each other especially if two or more male religitards have a mutual female religitard they are trying to take to bed. If the other religitard is having a upper hand over his competitor(s), the competitors will resort to passive hatred against the brother, hence the birth of church politicking and fights.
All religitards are insecure people, whether male or female. If a new member come into the fold and seems to be outshining them, they’ll start exhibiting their paranoia. Their insecurity is brought to the table when they are at loggerheads and competition with themselves; this explains why the church is the place of social anarchy and religious Machiavellian-ism. Unless the pastor is highly feared only then can they be minimal conflicts, but even with that, conflicts still exists.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

CULLED FROM: “THE UNBELIEVERS GUIDE (Religious Sociology 101): What Every Unbeliever Should know About The Believer” by Imoh “Son Of David”

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3 thoughts on “THE UNBELIEVER’S GUIDE: CATEGORIES OF RELIGITARDS AND HOW PEOPLE BECOME RELIGITARDS”

  1. nice write up,i was once an active relitigards by duress,my dad has a church till now,but now am as free as air and he knows it quite well that even Jesus can’t locate me.

  2. Nice one here bro. i know for xtianity and islam were wolves set among the pigeon.cant just understand young african can see the shit.

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