“GOD SPOKE TO ME”, “GOD SAID THIS TO ME”, “GOD WHISPERED THIS AND THAT INTO MY EARS”, etc these and many other phrases we have been inundated with by special humans with special hearing kits which the rest of us are not entitled to.
In my days as a religious buffoon, I usually ask why God spoke to Brother X and Sister L and ignored me. This ill-comfort of mine was at its peak back in the days during cell meetings on campus-fellowships. I’ll always wonder in bewilderment when brother x said “last night in my bedroom, the Holy Spirit told me this and that and he asked me to share it with you”, and sister L will narrate same “on my way to the bathroom, the Lord told me in clear terms blah blah blah”.
I have come to notice that God only speaks to the following people:
– The dumb-ass and stupid
– The hungry
– Chronic liars and con men
– The mentally unstable
THE DUMB-ASS AND THE STUPID
Every man has his fair share of stupidity, but there are some folks that make other stupid people feel like geniuses. Yes we are stupid creatures impersonating the form of man; we have at one time believed stupid things, said stupid things and practiced same.
In the childhood and teenage stage of a man’s life, he is entitled to the free practice of the inane without demur. In short, as a human, you are naturally allotted with an entitlement of the fatuous, this I know, understand and equally sympathize with our mortality over this. But hey, that is not what I’m referring to.
While some of us wrestle so hard to do very badly in the art of stupidity, others make no effort in cultivating their fair share of grey-matter, hence, abandoning their natural plot of common sense to be overgrown by weeds, cobwebs and all forms of garbage which in turn fertilizes their vibrant hectares of stupidity. Such individual are so great in their personage of inane reasoning that they’ve attained an avatar stage in ludicrousness. These individuals are the folks God would always speak to; the gormless, brain dead peeps.
Stupidity is not a function of classroom and college education and degree. Stupidity is unreason personified; buffoonery embodied and twaddles in glorification spree. We are all liable to fall victim to our stupidity, even great and respectable minds likes of Aristotle, Friedrich Nietzsche, Napoleon Bonaparte and Plato were not immuned. Conflicting to his reputation, Aristotle said that children should be conceived in the winter, when the wind is in the north, and that if people marry too young, their offspring will be female. Friedrich Nietzsche, despite his thought-proving essays and words, said “When a woman becomes a scholar there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs”. But since their ingenuity and brilliance outlived their inane, the ridiculous is forgotten. Unknown to many, they won’t come across the few bad lines of these great minds, because out of respect for these figures, scholars and educators don’t quote such. However, they gaffed, and so do we all.
But there are some folks in the 21st century where information is not too difficult to come by still languish in asininity; so excellent is their dimness that other stupid beings like yours truly find gratitude in our level of inane. These people are so great an avatar in ridiculousness that they can force one to wonder whether some peeps reincarnated from the Aztec age of reasoning. I have met quite a number of them and one may think that these folks are not schooled, but this is not the case. A lot of them I’ve come across are more schooled than me.
I have met one who said he is a medical doctor and at the same time said the evolution theory has no scientific back-up. If the above was the only thing he said, much disappointment would not have found a comfortable seat in my heart like his attempt to verbally bully my humble self and a few others around with this statement “As a doctor of over 8 years experience in medicine, I am in a better position to tell you about science.” Out of astonishment, I responded by telling him that if I had any intention of becoming a medical doctor, not only would he kill my ambition but force me to assign comic assumptions on the noble profession. Well, it turned out that the Nigerian-trained doctor did not fail to boast of how God has fed, clothed and helped him at work especially in treating patients, When asked how God helps him in treating patients, he responded by saying God speaks to him all the time and he tells him what to diagnose and prescribe to his patients. When asked of his family and wife, he said God told him his wife was cheating on him and his kids are not his, which was the reason he sent them out of his home as God had directed him. When asked if he has done a DNA test on his kids to ascertain whether or not they are his, he simply responded, “God has already done that, I just have to have faith in his words because he cannot lie”.
I met another who said that scientists have “PROVEN” that there is a place like hellfire. Before he knocked me out with the above statement, he boasted of his personal colloquy with God. According to him, he is an economist.
Another which I came across once anticipated inundating my ears with the grieve message of the rapture as ‘GOOD NEWS”, which he must share with me willy-nilly. While in his bleating exercise, he narrated to yours truly how God speaks to him daily and reveals secrets to him. Of all his bleatings, it was the statement that God reveals secrets to him that really got my attention and I was moved to probe: “What secrets does God reveal to you”. Pointing to my Zara shoes and blackberry phone, he said “God revealed to me that they come from the kingdom of darkness”. Just to excuse my ears as rather too hasty to misinterpret people, I begged his pardon and he repeated same and went further to quote bible verses. It turned-out that he was a graduate of Engineering in Nigeria. I wasn’t surprised, I was vexed with shame.
These are just very few examples of the inane I’ve been confronted with in my encounters with the hearers of the voice of God. It is not their claim of speaking to or hearing from God that amazes me. Due to constant bombardment of arguments from religious lunacy, my ears have grown in adaptation to the hilarious. But the fact that the omniscient God cannot just lend them some ounce of sense, at least some knowledge of science and intelligence of the Omniscient should rub-off on them, but that isn’t the case because it seems God is in the business of recruiting people who are in the expertise of making others feel cool with their brilliance due to their doltishness.
There must be a reason why God doesn’t speak to the likes of Einstein, Mark Twain, Hitchens, Dawkins and many men of great brilliance. Do you know what great accomplishments (or souls like they call it in theology) can be achieved if remarkable people like Mark Twain heard the voice of God or should I say was used by God? Of course he won’t do that! The God of religions is not a lover of brilliance and science. The Priests in the dark ages acted accordingly with his irritation for such men when they slew many great minds and destroyed their works all to the Glory of God. However, in the spirit of practice, God, till date is still in the business of speaking to dumbass people.
culled from “DEITIES AND FANTASIES” by Imoh “Son of David”