This says it all about African Muslims and Christians

By Imoh “Son of David”

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Ridicule Of Heaven

Just a quick question. Excuse my curiosity, for it is God’s doing . I want to ask, the sky specialists and paradise landlords these few questions:

1 – If an 11 year old child dies and he/she did not give their life to Christ, where will they end; heaven or hell? Bear in mind that some 11 year old kids begin masturbating and having infantile relationships.

2 – If an 11 year old child should go to heaven will he or she remain an 11 year old for eternity? This leads to my sub questions on this:

A- if a man should die at 110 years and makes heaven, will he still have the physiology of a 110 year old with a walking stick in heaven?

B- If he will be made young again in heaven, what age and look will Sky-daddy give him?

C- If a pregnant woman dies alongside with her baby and go to heaven, will she still be everlasting pregnant? Or will she give birth to the child in heaven? If the child will be born in heaven, will the baby grow up or will she forever remain an everlasting suckling?

3 – People who are separated from their love ones in hell, those of them in heaven will they cry about such an eternal loss or in heaven there are no feelings of pains, as such they’ll all be in an eternal praise singing forgetting they have siblings, spouses, kids, friends burning in hell?

4 – Will people still have certain body parts in heaven, like the penis, anus, vagina, middle finger, etc. If yes will the penis, anus and vagina still function normally? If yes, will people be farting, urinating, masturbating, having sex? My bad, I forgot the Koran says that in the Islamic heaven, there will be an ever erect penises and appetizing vaginas. But can we say same for the Christian/Jewish heaven?

A- assuming people fart in heaven, will it be a sin to fart before the throne of God?

B- for the Islamic heaven: Will it be hallal to rub your clitoris and stroke your penis in front of Allah?

C- If one should raise his middle-finger in front the throne of sky daddy, will it be blasphemy?

D- If there will be no function for those body parts in heaven, then what is the use of having them and not putting them to use in heaven?

5- will there be separation and boundaries in heaven. Let’s just say, a continent for Negroes, a section for Caucasians and another for Latinos and Asians or they will be coerced into one container?

6- Will the racists and supremacists in heaven be given a change of heart and mind in heaven to coexist peacefully with other races in heaven?

7- I heard there are servants and gate-men in heaven. What colour are these servants in heaven, because all I see are pictures of caucasian winged angels. I have never seen an Asian-looking angel with wings on photos.

8- If I ask God questions in Heaven will it be called blasphemy?

Answers please….

Culled from “Deities and Fantasies” by Imoh “Son of David”

Still Waiting for The Anti-Christ?

I don’t know why people still hold the fancy view and pious fear of End time. When you ask an “end time” monger, they won’t fail to fill your ears with the news of earth-quakes, plane crashes, wars, etc. This is what happens when people are taught Abrahamic curriculums in school rather than science subjects.

Anyone who was taught Geography in school should understand the causes of earth quakes, and other natural disasters. But even if you were not taught. Such information of simple scientific explanation is fraught everywhere; for starters use a search engine and bail yourself from myths. It is unforgiveable to market tales of natural disasters as some divine syndrome of an “end”.

There is no such thing as an end time. Time has no end! Put your mind to rest.
Wars did not begin today. As a matter of fact your “end time” literature has contributed to almost all wars fought in recorded history of mankind, and time has not ended. From the earliest battles in ancient Mesopotamia till today’s wars of Isreal and palestine, since the dawn of time war has always had a significant place in history. And people mostly fought over nonsense.

Let me give you a run down of some wars in mankind’s history:

When Napoleon was on conquest he launched what became the Napoleonic wars (1803- 1815). Guess what, your sky crew back then called him the anti-christ and the beast and all that. That one passed.

We had the Spanish-American War in 1898. The still cried endtime and it passed.

World war I came. They cried end-time.

Adolf Hitler was dissatisfied with the outcome so he began his own. He was believed with certainty to be the much expected anti-christ with the 666 mark. That one passed again.

The Vietnam war came. The said the same thing.

George Bush came at Iraq. Christians were certain the he was the anti-christ.

Now they said is Barrack Obama. We know he’ll soon pass the baton to another person you people will deem fit to appoint as your new anti-christ.

Meanwhile they have been accusing all the popes to be the anti-christ. Even T.B Joshua is called anti-christ lol. Chris Angel, Christopher Hitchens, Dawkins, Sam Harris, George Carlin all anti-Christs, damn! My humble self, I have not been excluded from the anti-christ crew.

When will you people ever stop to carry-over this endless history of end-time delusion and anti-christ paranoia? 2014 and you are still shopping for an anti-Christ and certain about an end-time? What do you put in your water that feeds you with this craze?

By Imoh “Son of David”

Between justice and the Hell Dilemma

By Immanuel James

A certain King Darius of ancient Rome, in order not to forget to extract justice – or rather, revenge – from the offence he received from the people of Athens, mandated one of his servants to always say to him, three times at every dinner: “Sir, remember the Athenians.” And one King Clovis of ancient France was even more dramatic in his desire for justice. He had promised arms of gold to three servants of his enemy to enable them betray their master to him. The young men did the job and after their master was killed, Clovis was so deeply haunted by regret that he first hanged the three servants, before hanging the purses of their gold rewards around their necks.

For ages, the quest for justice has taken man to the heights of wisdom and folly. From that quest have arisen cases where ‘justice’ itself became a whole new offence, one driven to extremity by man’s obsession with reward and punishment. Yet that obsession is understandable, for it is applied towards societal order, without which human cohabitation would be a more difficult affair. Justice – that system that shares good and evil equitably to those who
merit them – is the foundation of civilised society.

Forgive the repetition: man’s passion for justice is indeed excusable, despite its potential for extremity, given that it seeks to attain a measure of order for humanity. We must now admit that it is not just for social order that justice is courted. To see a robber or murderer punished, or see an innocent freed from harm, confers a certain sense of peace and compensation on the human psyche. So the passion for justice is as much a social as it is an emotional pursuit.

But it is also religious, this passion. Aware that the political system does not always guarantee justice, especially punitive justice, man had to insert another order of nemesis for those who have escaped human justice in their lifetimes. It has been argued that this insertion is even more effective than legal justice in discouraging evil but let that argument pass for now. Most religions embrace this order as a divine instrument of punishment. Let us concentrate on divine punitive justice, and work with its most popular, nay, notorious appellation: Hell.

Divergent as many religious creeds are, they appear to agree that God created a Hell for evil-doers. There’s a little problem anyway, which is the fact that since these different religions have conflicting moral codes, a righteous adherent in one religion is a candidate for Hell in the other. We can, however, assume that some kind of harmonization may take place in Afterlife?

However, there is a greater problem still, one that I have tagged ‘The Hell Dilemma.’ We can examine the following hyothesis:

John, a graduate of Criminology, has been believing God for a job. He wants to work in the police or SSS. His wife has just got a bank job and Mr. John has been doing his best to please God for the family’s testimony to be complete. Finally God answers. The chap gets his good job, and as a good Christian, one-tenth of his salary goes back to the church every month to help advance the work of God. He thanks God, thanks his pastor, his pastor thanks him back for sowing his entire first salary in the Lord’s vineyard. Everyone is happy.

But there is someone John has unfortunately failed to thank: the armed robber; the murderer; and every other criminal out there without whom his job would simply not exist. Even his wife does not seem to acknowledge that her bank job, at least in terms of what drove the banking business back in the day, was in a way made possible by insecurity, also made possible by the handiwork of criminals. When she worked as a marketing executive in an insurance company, and nabbed that huge contract for her employers from a theft insurance policy undertaken by a client, she also did not thank thieves who made it all possible merely by existing – and her commission ran into millions!

Anyway, ignore this family’s ingratitude to the people who have ‘helped’ them pay bills, tithes, offerings, etc. A greater ‘injustice’, however, is about to happen.

After this life, how does it feel that God will disgorge all these criminals who have ‘helped’ Him answer His children’s prayers, on Hell? Look at it critically: many livelihoods are actually reactionary creations against some forms of evil. Think! In fact this is how society runs: evil assists good to deliver more good, and more evil,etc. Even nature rolls like that: without ailment, doctors would die of starvation – no, they wouldn’t even exist; without immorality, preachers would not be too. So we can suspect that without evil, there may have been more unemployment in the world.

Consider this one, a real-life testimony in a church: some mischievous witches supposedly tied one woman’s womb for 20 years, and the blood of Jesus finally shattered the bondage. And twins came, to the boundless joy of the couple and the prayer warriors who supervised the deliverance project. (Well some people may find it curious that an innocent Godly couple was kept childless for 20 years just that a point be made between God and the devil – not like the point so made has even convinced everyone anyway – but that is not our problem.)

On account of this witchcraft shaming, many devil worshipers crossed over to God having been convinced that He holds greater power – all along nothing could make them change from their evil ways, not their own misfortunes or the preachers’ sermons. While the testimony blared forth, no one had the simple sense of justice to thank the witches who had been busy working their evil hands to the bones – whose 20-year-old mischief yielded the divine glory of the moment – without whom the kingdom of God would not have boasted new defections from the devil’s camp. And it is not enough that no one thanked these goddamn witches, they’ll also be sent to Hell after ‘helping’ win souls for God, a thing many preachers could not achieve all these years!

So I ask: Is it morally just for God to benefit from a system and still chastise that system?

Let us not forget, however, that not all religions believe there is a Hell. Even in Christianity, there are dissenters to that notion. Let us also not succumb to that childish temptation of throwing ugly labels at anyone who raises fundamental questions about our theosophy. The theory of Hell deserves to be critically examined. This might not be a serious matter anyway, but it at least makes intellectual sense to begin to ask critical questions about the human religious culture. Religious scholars should begin to examine the hell question, for it does not come out clean upon inquiry from rational interrogation.

But would religions have collapsed without such a scary insertion? Does the human psychology not corrupt itself with mental constructions of endless pain and suffering? Could man have been worse with evil if he were not tamed with such extreme morbidity?

These questions can guide our probe into the subject. In creating this eternal order of punitive justice, religion may have – let us borrow this expression – ‘put God in a serious dilemma’, almost like the dilemma of that King Clovis, who was so just he punished servants that aided murder, yet so just he fulfilled his promise of gold – but to their dead bodies!

*Immanuel James is the author of the new literary fiction, ‘Under Bridge’. A humanist and lover of philosophy, his articles have appeared in many national dailies. Visit http://www.immanueljames.com for more.*

Do You have An Imaginary friend?

Everything is to be feared about a man who claims to hear or to have heard a voice which others are disabled from participating equal audience.

The Abraham-Isaac saga as narrated in Abrahamic texts is a repugnant scenario if played in the theatre of today’s world. What would you make of a news reported in the dailies about a man who absconded with his son to an unknown location with a knife to slit the young lad’s throat simply because he claims a voice in his head commanded so? Will you erupt with a standing ovation on hearing such news screaming “FAITH! FAITH! OH FATHER OF FAITH”? But of course nothing is wrong about the tale of Abraham neither can we quiz his mental fettle so far his imaginary consigliere bears the name “God” and it’s written in a book our parents and society programmed into our minds.

More is to be feared from men who sincerely claim and are certain they hear imaginary voices than the wild beast. More than anything else, harm has been done on mankind by men who heard imaginary voices.

More than 1500 years ago, the story is told about an Arabian man who claimed he not only heard a voice but had a physical visitation of an entity he called Angel Gabriel (In Arabic: جبريل, Jibrīl or جبرائيل Jibrai”). After returning from this encounter at the desert, he came with a new gift; a new text and laws. That was not all. He came with a new vision and mission; to establish the tenets of this voice (which only him had access to). True to this, he ripped throats, enslaved men and did as he pleased. And whatever he was pleased with, equally pleased the imaginary voice he heard and whatever angered him, angered his invisible friend. He passed away, but his legacy is still here threatening the peace of mankind. Oh! Lest I forget, this voice of his was called Allah and he was his last true messenger (according to what he said the voice told him to tell us).

Should we question the mental status of this man? Hell no! It is blasphemy to do so because he claimed the voice that spoke to him told him to tell us that if we doubt his credibility or question his authority, not only are we blind, deaf, dumb and foolish, but we must be killed. On the other hand, he said this voice told him to tell us that hell equally awaits us too. I love my head on my shoulder, so I pass. I also agree that when a man marries many women and keep sex slaves including a 9 year old girl, he is a very sound and holy man. I equally agree that when a man uses the sword to spread his ideology, destroy lives and properties, there is nothing absolutely wrong about him. Even though he had invisible friends and enemies. Like one time he beat-up his invisible arch-enemy who is a ground troll and tied him to a pillar but his invisible friend later came and asked him to set the ground troll free. There is nothing wrong about such a tale and I agree that it is only a sane mind that is capable of such feat. I pledge corporation.

Men who sincerely hear imaginary voices are very dangerous especially if they hold the commandments of their invisible friends in high esteem. Such people should be faraway from those who do not possess the magic of their hearing senses. Once an individual is at peace and corporation with the voices his imaginary friends, he is an awaiting tragedy to his environment. Far be me from people who befriend invisible voices. What if the voice in his head tells him to do to me as the Japanese do to Sushi? Won’t it become a newspaper headline? “Man stabs man because God commanded him”, the news headlines will read. Oh my bad! Men has been slaughtering other men because God asked them to, my short memory is at it again.

The leader of the dreaded Isalmist group in Nigeria- Boko Haram by name Abubakar Shekau claimed that he had an encounter with Allah who told him to launch jihad on Nigeria and western education. True to the desires of the voice that spoke to him, he is unleashing the will of his invisible friend on us. History tells us that he is not the first to hear the voice of the invisible man with that name. If you sincerely hear an imaginary voice all the time or in a robust relationship with an invisible friend, it will be a great service to those of us who do not possess your kind of ears to check yourself into a medical facility. Be kind to mankind and your environment by submitting yourself to the psychiatrist to kill the voices in your head and break-up the relationship with your imaginary pal.

Another thing I’ve learned is that: if your imaginary friend is called Allah, Yaweh, Holy Spirit, Angel Gabriel, God, then you are a prophet, a man of God or a spiritual person. But if your imaginary friend is named Bill, Okon, Linda, etc then you must be sick or possessed by demons. But that is not all. If you say that there are no imaginary voices and friends like Allah, it will be declared with certainty that you are mad and then locked up in a mental hospital like the Nigerian atheist, Mubarak Bala. Don’t you just admire the awe of the 21st century? Men with imaginary friends run the lunatic asylum.

By Imoh “Son of David”

Uncle Sam And His Love For The Cemetry

I usually wail about the doltishness in my country and crass ineptitude of the politicians. But when I look at the American society and politicians, my burden is made light as I’m certainly convinced that stupidity is a mother of diverse children; but her American offspring to me is a hybrid of another level of stupefaction.

America has turned asininity into a carnival, and led by their thick-headed politicians mostly from the bandwagon tea-party and the republicans. Like seriously, I don’t just get it! People get killed everyday by trigger-happy psychos including kids and yet all they can recommend is “Give people more guns” and problem will be solved.

Some people disagree saying; isn’t this madness? This is happening due to the fact that we have too many guns in the streets? Take the guns out of the streets and there will nothing for some psychos to lay their hands on. Why should a civilian be in possession of military style assault rifles and guerrilla weaponry? Who do they want to use it on? Then the respondents will say “they are protecting themselves”. But from who? They say they are protecting themselves from other Americans carrying guns. Others say they are protecting themselves against the government.

To a stranger like me all I wonder is “Is this an American mentality?” Do Americans go around killing themselves that they have to excuse wielding military grade weapons for protection? But then, I hear the whisper of Iraq and the daily onslaughts on the American streets. After all the glorious Republic was founded on the blood and the mass execution of the defenseless and innocent who were the owners of the land. “Americans, know Americans better”, I tell myself.

America is home to the largest cases of homicide. While love ones weep as they take their offspring to the cemetery, the gun merchants smile to the bank and the next day, they make a toast with their Republican accomplice. The miracle here is that, the victim of this madness, will again vote his oppressor into power. All hail Capitalism! We hail the Uncle Sam morality.

And then they’ll have the effrontery to label my country corrupt?

By Imoh “Son of David”

What Nigerians Do Not Know

Nothings rapes the fettle of a sound man like vesting his garrulous vim on the chaotic events in this nut vicinity, Nigeria. In order to contain your sanity in luxury, you may have to evade discussing the polity; the people and the politicians of this banana Republic. Just pretend you are not noticing their dance of absurd and give blind ears to their crass jingles, only then can you give your fettle some leverage from unsafe intercourse.

However, don’t be too eager to take my prognosis to the casino, for even if one may pretend to be disinterested in the hullabaloo of this hell-hole, it is no assurance that the madness of this nation will not be interested in you.

The first victim of Nigeria is the Nigerian. No other person victimizes him than another Nigerian who is also a victim of another victim in this territory. Everything you see in a place is nothing but a projection of totality of the state of mind of the occupants and residents of that place. The habitat of pigs cannot go any further than the luxury of a typical pigsty. The environment of the rabbit will be drilled to the taste of the rabbit. The pen will always be odiferous of the stench of goats. The pig cannot build nests and become neighbours with the Eagle. My home is simply a projection of me. If you go to the house of a clean man, it is the hygiene and sanitation of his home that will speak to you. You go to the home of a dirty man, the reception at his home will look like him.

If a goat is taken from the pen and put in the nest of the eagle, you’ll kill her. For that is not her place. If you put an Eagle in a rabbit’s hole, you’ll make her sick. If a man of good hygiene is made to live in the home of a man known for uncleanliness, there will be chaos. The hygienic man who is made a subject to the unclean man will never know peace and he’ll constantly be fighting his host. That is what happens when some of us are made to live in a place that is not in tandem with our mindset and nature.

To put it respectfully, Nigeria, sadly, is a place where common sense is a miracle. Rational thinking is an extinction, and reasoning is to Nigeria what summer is to Eskimos. It’s very hilarious, it’s very shameful, this I know but the truth, it is and my doing, it is not. A large population of the Nigerian masses are religious, estimated at 94% of the population. And like what religion does, it beclouds the sense of reasoning in people, thus, compromising their sense of judgement. Once the sense of judgement of a man is sabotaged, you cannot trust him to make sound choices, clarity of purpose on issues which includes his anger, sentiments, humour, responses, actions, non-actions, comprehension, etc and this has nothing to do with his classroom education.

A typical Nigerian will rather be offended by the sight of gays or a lady on skimpy dress than the police physically abusing a man. To him, the lady is on a short dress is a harlot and the homosexual is a greater evil than the police beating up a harmless civilian on the street. When a man accused of petty larceny is caught on the Nigerian streets, he gets burned alive or lynched to death by a mob of zealots. But when their politicians, the ones of theft and looting walk through the streets, these same mob convert themselves to cheering crowds and supporters. That is how remarkable their sense of judgement goes.

They are all victims of themselves. The police, military, business owners, students, civil servants victimize themselves in Nigeria. What is found in the government is found in the civilians. The government is simply the civilians who are accorded the virtue to exercise authority. They are one and the same flock playing different roles.

Recently, some soldeirs went agog, burning buses and destroying properties, beating up randome people in Lagos because their colleague was knocked down by a government vehicle. The Nigerian masses were crying foul, but unknown to them, this is duplication of themselves in military uniforms. Aren’t these soldeirs duplicating what the civilian does to another civilian he calls gay, thief, witch or whatever irritating cliche they deem fit? Unless Nigerians deal with themselves and their mentality, nothing is going to change; they’ll keep on preying on one another and then turn around to pray for an imaginary man in the sky for help. There is no miracle other this: the change of mentality of the average Nigerian is Nigeria’s salvation.

By Imoh “Son of David”