Do You have An Imaginary friend?

Everything is to be feared about a man who claims to hear or to have heard a voice which others are disabled from participating equal audience.

The Abraham-Isaac saga as narrated in Abrahamic texts is a repugnant scenario if played in the theatre of today’s world. What would you make of a news reported in the dailies about a man who absconded with his son to an unknown location with a knife to slit the young lad’s throat simply because he claims a voice in his head commanded so? Will you erupt with a standing ovation on hearing such news screaming “FAITH! FAITH! OH FATHER OF FAITH”? But of course nothing is wrong about the tale of Abraham neither can we quiz his mental fettle so far his imaginary consigliere bears the name “God” and it’s written in a book our parents and society programmed into our minds.

More is to be feared from men who sincerely claim and are certain they hear imaginary voices than the wild beast. More than anything else, harm has been done on mankind by men who heard imaginary voices.

More than 1500 years ago, the story is told about an Arabian man who claimed he not only heard a voice but had a physical visitation of an entity he called Angel Gabriel (In Arabic: جبريل, Jibrīl or جبرائيل Jibrai”). After returning from this encounter at the desert, he came with a new gift; a new text and laws. That was not all. He came with a new vision and mission; to establish the tenets of this voice (which only him had access to). True to this, he ripped throats, enslaved men and did as he pleased. And whatever he was pleased with, equally pleased the imaginary voice he heard and whatever angered him, angered his invisible friend. He passed away, but his legacy is still here threatening the peace of mankind. Oh! Lest I forget, this voice of his was called Allah and he was his last true messenger (according to what he said the voice told him to tell us).

Should we question the mental status of this man? Hell no! It is blasphemy to do so because he claimed the voice that spoke to him told him to tell us that if we doubt his credibility or question his authority, not only are we blind, deaf, dumb and foolish, but we must be killed. On the other hand, he said this voice told him to tell us that hell equally awaits us too. I love my head on my shoulder, so I pass. I also agree that when a man marries many women and keep sex slaves including a 9 year old girl, he is a very sound and holy man. I equally agree that when a man uses the sword to spread his ideology, destroy lives and properties, there is nothing absolutely wrong about him. Even though he had invisible friends and enemies. Like one time he beat-up his invisible arch-enemy who is a ground troll and tied him to a pillar but his invisible friend later came and asked him to set the ground troll free. There is nothing wrong about such a tale and I agree that it is only a sane mind that is capable of such feat. I pledge corporation.

Men who sincerely hear imaginary voices are very dangerous especially if they hold the commandments of their invisible friends in high esteem. Such people should be faraway from those who do not possess the magic of their hearing senses. Once an individual is at peace and corporation with the voices his imaginary friends, he is an awaiting tragedy to his environment. Far be me from people who befriend invisible voices. What if the voice in his head tells him to do to me as the Japanese do to Sushi? Won’t it become a newspaper headline? “Man stabs man because God commanded him”, the news headlines will read. Oh my bad! Men has been slaughtering other men because God asked them to, my short memory is at it again.

The leader of the dreaded Isalmist group in Nigeria- Boko Haram by name Abubakar Shekau claimed that he had an encounter with Allah who told him to launch jihad on Nigeria and western education. True to the desires of the voice that spoke to him, he is unleashing the will of his invisible friend on us. History tells us that he is not the first to hear the voice of the invisible man with that name. If you sincerely hear an imaginary voice all the time or in a robust relationship with an invisible friend, it will be a great service to those of us who do not possess your kind of ears to check yourself into a medical facility. Be kind to mankind and your environment by submitting yourself to the psychiatrist to kill the voices in your head and break-up the relationship with your imaginary pal.

Another thing I’ve learned is that: if your imaginary friend is called Allah, Yaweh, Holy Spirit, Angel Gabriel, God, then you are a prophet, a man of God or a spiritual person. But if your imaginary friend is named Bill, Okon, Linda, etc then you must be sick or possessed by demons. But that is not all. If you say that there are no imaginary voices and friends like Allah, it will be declared with certainty that you are mad and then locked up in a mental hospital like the Nigerian atheist, Mubarak Bala. Don’t you just admire the awe of the 21st century? Men with imaginary friends run the lunatic asylum.

By Imoh “Son of David”

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