Ebola Only Kills The Black Man

Twitter- @ImohDavid

Thousands of people in Africa died and are still dying from the ebola infection but when a White health-worker was infected, he was quickly flown to the US where a serum was administered to him, alas! He got well. The same was repeated to other foreign Western aid workers who got infected by the virus. But the story changed when the serum was demanded by African states after several cries and conspiracies that the virus is a Western weapon to depopulate and kill Africans (as if a population of mass illiterates is anything to be envied by anyone).

Cutting the story short, the serum was brought to Africa but it did not work! The black man’s blood was a stranger to the foreign serum. Before we could come to terms with the dissonance, a news broke-out that the serum only works on the white man. The African conspiracists who are excellent in delivering stories without evidence, screamed eureka! Meanwhile the religious African was busy suffocating on the “die by fire”, “spirit of ebola casting” prayer points, besides the national embarrassment of the salt-bath hogwash. At least we are internationally known for praying to our sky-daddy to make the White man invent solutions for us. Experts of “Baba God”, we are, but slaves of “Baba science”. If ask them “where is Baba-God?” “Up there”, they will chorus. But when you ask them “where is the thyrod gland located”, you are speaking shakespearan French to them. Ask the average religious African: “Do you know what quantum theory is?” It will appear that you are asking a goat how to thread a needle. Why won’t they be an embarrassment to Baba-science?

If the serum was invented by the White-man, why won’t it work only for the White-man? Countless hours, our people spend in religious centres, chorusing to their sky-character all manners of lame rhetoric and proposals, however, they are realistically clueless to the nature of things. Isn’t it ridiculous that of the three people who traveled to the US with the ebola virus, it was only the African- American that was killed? Isn’t it shameful that the African is the one to be consistently haunted and killed by things like ebola, HIV, malaria, tuberculosis, chicken-pox, measles, hunger, etc in this 21st century. And to sum it, the drugs he uses to combat his customary affliction is imported from abroad. He cannot make them. He does not know how to make them. He does not care how to make to them. He does not ask how it is made. But what does he know best? Praying to an invisible man in the sky(whom he mentally pictures as white-bearded) to cause the white-man to invent drugs for him. What a people! If he is not blaming an invisible ground troll he calls Devil for his woes, he blames the white-man or blames his neigbours and the man in his village. Masters of the blame game, slaves of irresponsibilities!

The West which appears to be greatly plagued by cancer, has tiredlessly invested in the laboratory and research towards the exorcism of their demon. Recently, it was discovered that a substance in the poop of a cat has the tendency to battle cancer. Again, the discovery of the on/off switch of a cell which is key to stopping old age and cancer was found. People who know their problem went ahead to find a pragmatic way of solving them. Now, let’s examine our case:

Millions of Africans spend 18 hours a day praying but 24 hours, they remain impoverish and at the mercy of other nations. Nigeria in particular sponsors its citizens to foreign lands for no other purpose but religious pilgrimage, and the benefits of this, I wish I can lay claim to just one, besides enriching the bursary of a few oligarchy in fancy robes. Please tell me how pilgrimage develops your economy and the individuals, I’m waiting to learn. If the type of money spent on pilgrimage in over ten years in Nigeria was pumped into the training of doctors and scientists or into the education sector, will it be more realist than the former? Doing the same thing over and over again to expect a different result is the height of crass doltishness, and we are championing stupidity to an enviable status. A knowledgeable man is unfit to be a slave; the words of Frederick Douglass echoes. What you do not know will disgrace, enslave and embarrass you. Dear Africans, get to know science and embrace common sense and your problems will be gone.

By Imoh “Son of David”

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TESTIMONY TIME

By Ajisafe Michael Oluwafemi

I love Sundays, and am always happy to be in the house of the Lord to worship with the holy brethren. Testimonies strengthen our faith, as we can use them as points of contact for our own expected miracles.

Last Sunday was a glorious one, the testimonies were awesome. Brother Olu announced “testimony time”, and “blessing time” was chorused in response by we the congregation. He called out the names of those who registered to give testimonies and, with him handling the Microphone and anchoring event, the session began.

A brother stepped forward and delivered his testimony thus:

“My names are Aboyade Johnson Bode, and I’m here to thank the lord for his goodness towards me. As at two months ago, ladies avoid me and anyone I try to approach normally shuns me. Most of them always complained about my addiction to liquor and beer parlors. So I took the bold step of faith and suspended my visitation to beer parlors. I went as far as joining the Music department; and since then things have changed for the better for me. I now have many girlfriends to the extent that just last week, a sister from the ushering unit and another from the music department fought over me. I am now ladies man and I give the lord the glory!”

We all rejoiced for the brother, as Brother Olu declared that what the Lord had done for him shall be permanent.

A woman stepped forward to share her testimony:

“My name is Tina of the famous Madam Tina Cool Spot. You see, few months ago I was experiencing great difficulty in my business. Members of the Police Force were harassing me for selling Marijuana, and the rate at which customers patronized my beer parlor declined drastically. I knew I had to sow a seed, so I went to the Pastor for prayers; after which I sowed 3 crates of Guinness and fifteen wraps of Marijuana into his life. He took a wrap with a bottle of beer in my presence to drink, and after he finished them he said to me: Madam no police officer will disturb you henceforth, and your customers shall increase. I then keyed into the prophecy and since then no more police disturbance o! My customers are now back, including runaway Brother Bode. Am happy, help me thank pastor for consulting God for me o!”

Then came the turn of the last person to testify for that Sunday. She was holding a polythene bag in her hand as she delivered her testimony. She began:

“My name is Grace, last year I bought a day old Turkey which I have been nursing, hoping to kill for this Christmas festival. Last week the turkey fell ill, and I told myself that with my faith nothing will happen to my livestock. And the Lord healed my Turkey without my administering any drugs on it, so I am here with the Turkey to appreciate the Lord.”

The woman removed the Turkey from the polythene bag to show the congregation, but as she waved the Turkey this way and that, it pooped on Brother Olu, who struck it in anger, and instantly the Turkey died!

Enraged at the waste of her Turkey’s life, Sister Grace pulled Brother Olu by his shirt front. In the blink of an eye, her sympathizers and his joined the fray. Commotion in the church!

Erm… I could not give my own testimony in Church, so I will share it here. For some months I had been dreaming of eating Turkey, and just last Sunday the Lord made it a reality. The Lord presented me a big Turkey on the Altar right inside the Church! I have been eating it since and the rest is awaiting me in my pot. I love church.

Culled from “Moving Thoughts” by Ajisafe Michael Oluwafemi.

You can order your print copy on https://www.createspace.com/4916129.
OR

http://www.amazon.com/MOVING-THOUGHTS-Life-Observer-Doer-ebook/dp/B00M24Y5DA/ref=

Ajisafe Michael is Nigerian playwright, free-thinker and a satirist.

You can connect with him on facebook at: https://m.facebook.com/ajisafeoluwafemi?refid=12

By Imoh “Son of David”