By Ajisafe Michael Oluwafemi
I love Sundays, and am always happy to be in the house of the Lord to worship with the holy brethren. Testimonies strengthen our faith, as we can use them as points of contact for our own expected miracles.
Last Sunday was a glorious one, the testimonies were awesome. Brother Olu announced “testimony time”, and “blessing time” was chorused in response by we the congregation. He called out the names of those who registered to give testimonies and, with him handling the Microphone and anchoring event, the session began.
A brother stepped forward and delivered his testimony thus:
“My names are Aboyade Johnson Bode, and I’m here to thank the lord for his goodness towards me. As at two months ago, ladies avoid me and anyone I try to approach normally shuns me. Most of them always complained about my addiction to liquor and beer parlors. So I took the bold step of faith and suspended my visitation to beer parlors. I went as far as joining the Music department; and since then things have changed for the better for me. I now have many girlfriends to the extent that just last week, a sister from the ushering unit and another from the music department fought over me. I am now ladies man and I give the lord the glory!”
We all rejoiced for the brother, as Brother Olu declared that what the Lord had done for him shall be permanent.
A woman stepped forward to share her testimony:
“My name is Tina of the famous Madam Tina Cool Spot. You see, few months ago I was experiencing great difficulty in my business. Members of the Police Force were harassing me for selling Marijuana, and the rate at which customers patronized my beer parlor declined drastically. I knew I had to sow a seed, so I went to the Pastor for prayers; after which I sowed 3 crates of Guinness and fifteen wraps of Marijuana into his life. He took a wrap with a bottle of beer in my presence to drink, and after he finished them he said to me: Madam no police officer will disturb you henceforth, and your customers shall increase. I then keyed into the prophecy and since then no more police disturbance o! My customers are now back, including runaway Brother Bode. Am happy, help me thank pastor for consulting God for me o!”
Then came the turn of the last person to testify for that Sunday. She was holding a polythene bag in her hand as she delivered her testimony. She began:
“My name is Grace, last year I bought a day old Turkey which I have been nursing, hoping to kill for this Christmas festival. Last week the turkey fell ill, and I told myself that with my faith nothing will happen to my livestock. And the Lord healed my Turkey without my administering any drugs on it, so I am here with the Turkey to appreciate the Lord.”
The woman removed the Turkey from the polythene bag to show the congregation, but as she waved the Turkey this way and that, it pooped on Brother Olu, who struck it in anger, and instantly the Turkey died!
Enraged at the waste of her Turkey’s life, Sister Grace pulled Brother Olu by his shirt front. In the blink of an eye, her sympathizers and his joined the fray. Commotion in the church!
Erm… I could not give my own testimony in Church, so I will share it here. For some months I had been dreaming of eating Turkey, and just last Sunday the Lord made it a reality. The Lord presented me a big Turkey on the Altar right inside the Church! I have been eating it since and the rest is awaiting me in my pot. I love church.
Culled from “Moving Thoughts” by Ajisafe Michael Oluwafemi.
You can order your print copy on https://www.createspace.com/4916129.
Ajisafe Michael is Nigerian playwright, free-thinker and a satirist.
You can connect with him on facebook at: https://m.facebook.com/ajisafeoluwafemi?refid=12
By Imoh “Son of David”