Category Archives: Nigerian Politics

Dear Nigerians, You Cannot Force A Man To Love What He Is Fed Up With

There is something I cannot get my head wrapped around some Yoruba and Hausa folks on the internet- their obsession with the Ndi Igbos. They seem to have this mentality that anything the Igbos community does is a threat to them. They think that they have an obligation to always be against whatever the interest and plight of the Igbos are. Whether such a mentality is conscious or subconscious, I find it very silly.
What really is their business with the Igbo man’s self-agitation? Some of you should just learn to admit it that you don’t just like the Igbos for anything. And will never like them. Yes we know you don’t like them and that is your personal right of dislike, but why are you self-obsessed about the agitation of their community and people?
Let’s be frank. A lot of you would rather die than see an Igbo President of this Banana republic. And a lot of you derive this orgasmic satisfaction from the political marginalization of the group. Fine you don’t want to ever see that the Igbo man smell power in Nigeria, I understand that you don’t trust them and probably dislike them greatly. But why the heck are you against them leaving the same country that is making mockery of their collective entity?
The same country which you are part of that hates the Igbo man, is what you encourage to force the Igbo man to be part of? Why do you people love forced marriages and abusive relationships in Nigeria? This Nigerian mentality of forced marriages and abusive relationship that marriage must stand and continue even if the couple are in tearing each other into shreds has catapulted into our national subconsciousness in politics and sociology. Dear Nigeria, you cannot force a man or a group to love what they are fed up with.
I used to think that if you don’t like a thing or person, you would throw them out or let them just leave. But not in Nigeria. The more the dislike, the more the obsessive compulsion to keep it to one self, thus, the more they dislike the Ndi Igbo community, the more they wish ensure their failure in their self-determination. Okay fine, you don’t want the Biafra movement to succeed, and the same time, you don’t want the Igbos to have a political weight and future. Then, my question is this: WHAT DO YOU WANT THEM TO STAY IN NIGERIA AND DO WITH YOU IN NIGERIA? To scrub your toilets? Continually listen to your ethnic bashing and bickering and all forms of senseless mockery because Buhari and the APC won the elections. Because this is the first time the Igbos have voted in Nigeria, right? You have called them rogues, thieves, wailers, fools, loosers, slaves, etc. Why don’t you let the rogues go their way? Or do you love keeping rogues to yourselves?

A lot of you have mentioned Nnamdi Kanu’s names more than an average Igbo man. What for exactly? I thought you said he is a clown. But you are so obsessed about his joke. Biafra, is now mocked as BIAFRAUD by you, but you can’t sleep a night without talking about the movement. I don’t get you people at all. If something is a joke, why then pay so much participatory attention to it? Is that suppose to be a joke on your part?
First of all they said Nnamdi Kanu should come to Nigeria if he is serious. He came and he got arrested, they celebrated, calling him daft for showing up to the same Nigeria they asked him to come to if he means business.

They used to say that those agitating are noise makers that they should stop ranting on the radio and go to the streets. They did just that and in a peaceful way, someone got shot by the police. You celebrated and said they deserve it. You see nothing wrong about the police shooting a peaceful protest. Okay I get it, when the police shoots at anything Biafra, then they are right.
Now tell me, how times have you heard in the past, let’s just say 2011 that the police shot and killed angry protesters in the North who were burning churches, Christians, Southerners because they were mad that Buhari lost the elections? Tell me just one person that was in jail because of that incident. Tell me where Adamu Ciroma, Lawal Kaita and of course the one who is now President, that were calling for blood and threatening fire and brimstone to dogs and baboons in the public? Whose blood were they calling for? So you really expect an Igbo man to sit quietly in the unfolding of such abusive and mockery of events and be happy?
Do you know how many times the Igbos have been killed in the North, beheaded and bantered beyond repairs? Is that not enough to provoke anyone? We should even be thanking them for being peaceful. Who suffers such a territorial humiliation and ethnic prejudice and still remains a peaceful neighbor? Who else have had millions of its people killed in “another man’s land” like the Igbos and yet remain without vengeance?
You people keep talking about one Nigeria. And how Nigeria is every man’s land. Which every man’s land? It is every man’s land and yet we hear people in Yoruba land angry that there is an Eze Igbo in their land. Which one is now the so called “everybody’s land” you are talking about? Can a man be slaughtered like a ram in his own land?
The agitation of the Igbos are real and substantial. What has happened to them since this union was created have never been to their own good. You say it will bad for the Igbos to leave and that it is the biggest mistake of a decision they can make. Oh! You suddenly now care about the Igbos? You are worried that they can make a mistake that is not in their interest? The same people you slaughter like rams in “Everyman’s Land”?
Please let the Igbo man be. His cross is his to carry. And I will always ask, What do you really want from the Igbos, Nigeria?

Dear Nigeria, What Do You Want From The Igbos?

The Igbo speaking people of Nigeria asked for Biafra but Nigeria refused and said the country must be one.

A Dutch man drew a cartoon of Mohammed in faraway Denmark, you people go around killing the Igbos and destroying their properties in the North.

Philips Emegwali invents a super-fast computer, you say a “Nigerian” invents. Igbo student in diaspora makes good grades, you say a “Nigerian” graduates top of the class. But Ikechukwu Abia is caught trafficking drugs, you say an “Igbo” man is caught with drugs abroad.

The Igbo man does his business and prosper, you people say they want to steal your land and rule over you. 90% of oil blocs in the South are owned by Northerners, you people do not say they have stolen someone’s land and resources.

The Igbos ask for the Presidency, you people laugh at them and say “over your dead body.” The North has rule Nigeria for over 38years and they keep threatening everyone else that they are being marginalized, and so they start bombing everywhere, you people say let’s negotiate with them.

Igbos vote for Jonathan, you people say they are myopic and tribalistic. The North and the West voted for Buhari, you people say it is called “change” and democracy.

Igbos rally behind Jimi Abaje, you people say they will drown in the lagoon. Ambode won, you people start cursing them.

Adamu Ciroma and co said “The North would make this country ungovernable if a Northerner does not become President” and “They’ll be no Nigeria if power does not return to the North”. You people call them “Elder Statesmen”,”Party Stalwart”, “Northern leader”, etc.

Nnamdi Kanu says the same thing but you people call him “a retard”, “treasonable criminal”, “war-monger”, “evil” and so on.

During the last elections, Radio and TV stations in the North play jihad songs while making anti-GEJ campaigns, say all sorts of things in Hausa, no newspaper headline asked for them to be banned. Of course you people call it politics.

Radio Biafra does same, all hell is let loose. You people say they spreading bigotry and dangerous propaganda.

Do you people have an IGBOPHOBIA? Of course not! No one will agree. But do you think the Igbos are a problem, everyone will raise their hands. But we ask, why don’t you let the Igbos separate and go their way, you people give me that terrorist look.

Dear landlords, just one question:

What do you want the Ibos to do to please you?

By Imoh “Son of David”

Is Saudi Arabia Now A Territorial Moralist?

If you are a mistress to America, only then it is moral, legal and permissible to bomb another coutry including innocent civilians (women and children).

I cannot see the Saudi Arabia’s aerial bombardment in Yemen any different from Russia’s position in Ukraine. They both carry out actions in an attempt to unsit an illegitimate government by their own standards.

If I could recall vividly, Ukraine had a legitimate leader who was unceremoniously chased out of his country by the Western-backed delegates in Ukraine, all in the bid to reduce Russia and her league of allies to rumbles.

Russia, like Saudi responded in their own way. As a matter of lesser evil, Russia did not send their airplanes into Ukraine to bomb people like Saudi. They instead did what America is always doing- back-up their pro-nationalist and ideologist to “akbar” the perceived scumbags. And before you know it, the CNN and the global news channels came screaming that Russia has done the worst thing ever imagined in the history of territorial games. Russia was sanctioned. Thanks to “every-one-loves-uncle-Sam’s” league.

Israel is occupying another man’s land, Saudi Arabia is killing innocent civilians in an attempt to get rid of an illegitimate and coupist government, just like Russia, Uncle Sam and dem Mafia league, see nothing, hear nothing. Inshort, they see it in good light.

What is even amazing is how the Saudi accuses the Houthi rebels of human rights abuse. I don’t know whether to feel insulted or entertained. Uncle Sam keeps accusing Assad, China, Russia and Iran of human rights abuse. However, a night before they were in bed with Saudi Arabia and Bahrain. And yet jumped past their bedmates to Libya and Iraq to give them democracy. If their democracy was that good, why didn’t they give it to their Bahrain and Saudi Mistresses?

Just few months ago their sweet opera of a media, The Economist endorsed a former dictator who benefited from a coup that unsitted a democratically elected government, and of course, a well known human rights abuser, with a phobia for Free Speech and Press, a Shariah enthusiast,etc. as the right person to lead my country. Few days weeks later the same band of western moralists were in the news talking about how the support of Shariah is babaric and undemocratic. Maybe their Mistress, Saudi Arabia supports a very democratic kind of Shariah, maybe the in-coming Commander-in-Chief of my country supports that same type Shariah. Maybe I am just a learner, I’m sure my expert teachers of Uncle-Samism, Politicking and international relations, know better than my big-mouthed self.

Anyway, when I grow up, I want to be like Uncle Sam. I am a honest and upright man, right?

By Imoh “Son of David”

The Economist Conspired Against Nigeria

I made a pact to myself that my next car would be the Nigerian made Innoson motors. To watch my pact, I went ahead to make an upfront payment of an innoson product.

Prior to this decision, I had in mind to upgrade to something “sophisticated”, you know that type of stuff Naija people term as “Maaashin.” But on a 2nd thought, I recognized the vanity of this and the economic imprudence of such vain crave, merely on the utility value to deriving a pleasure of prestige which is but short-lived because after a couple of years, the so called sophistication will become the regular.

I can get something light on the wallet and valuable at the same time and still channel my humble resources to other better things, like helping those who are in need or contributing something efficient in goodness and value to more people than my hedonistic instincts. Innoson motors was the best option which came to mind.

Explaining this to a few acquaintances, it became a subject of mockery on my part. “How can you buy that product, you know we never make anything good” argued one. The other thought I have taken my silliness to a whole new level in the name of being ‘rational’. And sadly this came from people with Masters in Economics and the other pursuing PHD in sociology.

However, this did not surprise me because I have seen a Professor of Philosophy who said that when it comes to the bible, he pockets his philosophy because there is nothing to philosophize in the old book as everything in it is fine. When I asked the man how the sun came to be on the 4th day as there cannot be a 1st nor 2nd day not to mention to the 4th day without the existence of the sun. He simply replied that it is not the business of philosophy to answer that. I told the Prof. that this is called a simple SCIENCE not philosophy. I went ahead asking how the heck an omnipotent being will call the bat a bird and talk about the existence of unicorns and dragons. The next thing he frowned his face but unknown to him, the frown of a goat cannot stop it from ending in a pot of soup. Well, as we all know, we live in a country where the most mediocre are granted the office of excellence. That is a story for another day.

If I buy an Innoson product, I am doing good to myself and overall good to the economy. If I do not patronize their products how the heck do I expect them to grow and become world class contenders in the auto-market? Every single penny I’ll spend on an Innoson product, I am doing it for my own benefit because I am contributing to the growth of my economy and not to grow another person’s economy say the Japanese while I whine all day about mine and how my country’s product don’t well.

I may dislike the man GEJ for a lot of incompetence but I will forgive him on his policy of the high tariff on imported cars. This was nothing but the best of decisions he has taken so far he has entered that Aso ‘demonic’ Rock of madness. Unknown to our uninformed and half-baked thinking citizens, that very decision is contributory to his failure at the polls. You cannot frustrate the businesses of powerful nations and expect them to be happy.

Nigeria is home to hundreds of millions of people. We have homes here where one idiot named a politician owns 25 foreign cars and he is still buying more. Have any you visited the home of the Esama of Benin kingdom? There are millions of people that have houses of such display of cars. If you are a foreign power, you will love Nigeria for this one purpose. But GEJ has to spoiled your business of simple demand and supply by trying to redirect the consumers interest to home-made products like Innoson, will you be happy? I’m sure you will be happy.

And what will they do? Punish the man and sponsor his opposition.

It is not a coincidence that The Economist did not endorse President GEJ’s candidacy. Have you ever asked what the economic policy of Buhari is which earned his admiration with The Economist? Please what is Buhari’s economic module that has seduced the Economist a foreign magazine? Instead the Economists was telling us about Chibok girls and how corruption has destroyed the country (like they, the western powers are not part of that corruption here). Not the issue of the Chibok girls are not of serious concern, but please which countries refused to sell arms to Nigeria to combat this madness? No wonder the man GEJ began to learn his lessons by charging our military to start producing weapons. Yes we have started and they used them in the recent onslaught against those animals.

The issue of the Chibok girls is daisy and for them to rally behind as an excuse to endorse a former dictator with a monstrous history of coup d’etat, human rights abuse, etc is a call for concern, considering that they are the matyrs of freedom of the Press, speech, Human rights and what have you. But suddenly they fell in love with a former coup plotter and benefactor and human rights abuser. While the West is telling us that they one to overthrow a dictator in Syria, they are miraculously endorsing former dictator in Nigeria to head the affairs of the current state.

Does this not surprise you? Of course it doesn’t. Maybe I am the petty one and the myopic alarmist. Thank you.

Please, The Economist is beyond some paper or website to read. It is a mechanism. It is a power and a tool operated and owned by world powers to secure their goals and punish their offenders. They do not give a damn about your country. They only care about theirs. Even if candidate A is doing the right thing for your country and citizenry, if it is not in tandem with their interests, he is useless to them and incompetent.

Please watch very careful, when the government of Nigeria changes and then suddenly the tariffs on imported cars are dropped and other economic decisions with respect to international communities are reconfigured, do not forget that someone once upon a time wanted to make Nigerian cars an envy of international reputation. As for me, I cannot allow an indigenous maufacturing or assembling firm die by my own hands.

By Imoh “Son of David”

T. “BRIBE” Joshua: Casting out Demons with 50,000 Naira

Twitter: @ImohDavid

Emmanuel! *The congregation answers ‘God with us’*

Brethren, I have a testimony to share:

I went to the Synagogue Church for deliverance. As the Prophet was laying hands on people, when it came to my turn, I began manifesting and the following ensued-

T.B: You demon, out of him now! Show yourself! Who are you?

Me: *groaning like an Ibo Nkita* hahaha, they call me strong man.

T.B: Speak out! Let me hear you! What kind of spirit are you?

Me: *shaking head like an imbecile* I am the spirit of talkative or should I say “writative”. Call me spiritual ‘amebo’!

T.B: What have you done with him?! Speak out and don’t waste my time!

Me: I make him write and write and amebo with his pen.

T.B: What and what have you made him to write about?

Me: Pastorpreneurs, polithiefcians, pulpitarians, churchdustry, Men of con, sorry men of God. And very soon he will write about you and the collapsed building. Hahahaha

T.B: You foul spirit, I command you out! Out! Out! Out right now!

Me: *interrupts T.B* The kind of spirit I be, anointing water, casting and binding no dey move am oh! In case you don’t know, I have written everything and finished. It is only remaining for me to press the “send” button on my mobile.

T.B: In the name Jesus, take this 50,000 naira and forget about writing the story.

Just when I was about to stretch my hands and collect the brown envelop, I was woken up by a loud noise from a “strange aircraft” that passed over my building.

However, the building did not collapse and I live not very far from the South African air-force base. Air-force planes fly over my apartment building everyday but it has never collapsed. Oh! Silly me! What do I know? The plane that flew over T. Bribe Joshua’s building was a “strange aircraft”, while the ones that fly over my apartment building is an air-force aircraft. The “strange aircraft” can fall buildings without dropping bombs. Okay, I get it now.

If I was T.B Joshua I would ask God why he will be showing match scores and predictions to me that cannot save anyone’s life but he (Sky-Baba) cannot or will not show me an impending building collapse in my backyard that would have probably saved lives. Sorry, asking question is a blasphemy in religion, no wonder God does not speak to people like me. I pass. Religious people…. *sigh*

I do wonder how the strange aircraft flew miles past several buildings but on getting to T.B’s building, it suddenly caused the building to fall. Silly me; What did I just ask? That is why it’s called a strange aircraft in the first instance and above all, it’s an imaginary aircraft. What else was one expecting from the sole proprietor of spirits and demons in Nigeria?

A standing ovation for the one icon that single handedly introduced the market of spirits and demons into the churchdustry: Water spirit, fire spirit, plastic spirit, spirit of accident, spirit of malaria, spirit of ebola, spirit of menstruation, spirit of subsidy, spirit of PDP, spirit of rigging and just recently, the spirit of strange aircrafts. When the spirit of strange aircraft came, the spirit of bribery was born but however, the spirit of Nicholas Ibekwe manifested a spirit of audio. *In Don Jazzy’s voice* DoroSpirits, DoroT.B, DoroBribeThePress with 50,000 naira but DoroNicholasIbekwe come be bad market wey born Doroaudio. Chai DoroWantMyShare.

So profitable is the business of spirits that the anointing water was invented. That tiny bottle of water which cannot quench the thirst of an ant is given out freely for the sum of 5,000 naira. It is not for sale oh! You only have to buy a DVD of 5,000 naira to have the FREE bottle of water. Out of Jealousy, the Aba and Onitsha boys could not allow the man in the Synagogue to enjoy the MUMUpoly all by himself. They quickly invented their pirated T.B water. At least he has given the Aba/Onitsha boys something to eat. Well, it was short-lived because the greedy Aba/Onitsha boys were not paying their tithes and taxes to their host. T.B smartly invented a new one and repackaged it completely different. And so, the Aba/Onitsha boys who had a warehouse filled with the old annointing water lost this one (for now). T.B Joshua 1 – Aba/Onitsha pirates 0. Churchdustry indeed!

I am using this opportunity to announce to all that I am a Man of God. Man of God not “Gun” please; I have no intention of flying weapons in my private jet. I only desire to commit crimes and get away and then blame imaginary enemies or is it spirits they call it? I’m just confused here. I heard firstly that Boko Haram and “the enemies” were responsible and later on it was a “strange aircraft” and I’m sure many more imaginary suspects will be supplied. The title of Man of God will give me the leverage to disrespect the intelligence of people and do just about anything and not be bothered about being brought to book.

I understand that the Lagos State Commissioner for Physical planning addressed the press that the church’s structure was upgraded from 4 to 6 storeys without approval. I guess it was the “strange aircraft” that caused the church and T.B to engage in such deliberate disregard of the law. Maybe we should call it “Spirit of disobedience against building planning.” So this Spirit caused them to raise a structure originally approved for 4 storeys to 6 so that she can now invite her colleague “Strange aircraft” to bring down the building. Isn’t the story so awesome? So intelligent and convincing that our President had to order for an investigation on the “strange aircraft”. I think he should equally set-up a committee on “strange aircrafts and spirits” to investigate these spirits.

Our President did not visit the Chibok community, not until so much pressure and taunting that he sent for the parents of the kidnapped Chibok girls to visit him in Abuja. Now, T.B Joshua’s church collapsed, he hurriedly ran to the site in Lagos. National priority! Thumbs up to the oga ontop! The last building that collapsed in Lagos, did he visit the site? T.B Joshua’s building is a bigger calamity to the President’s feet than the kidnapped 200 Chibok girls. Whose property again was used to buy weapons in South-Africa? A priest and a friend of Aso rock also? I think we should waste no time in anointing our President a priest. Our Commander-in-“PRIEST”, we hail thee! The President of the US paid a surprised visit to the American troops in Afghanistan, the UK Prime minister did same and the German Chancellor demonstrated same. They did this to boost the morale of their troops in Afghanistan. But our Commander-in-“Priest” would rather visit the crash site of the property of a priest to boost the morale of a priest rather than Chibok or Maiduguri to boost the morale of the Nigerian troops doing a serious job for the nation. Espirit de corps! The theocracy of the Religious State of Nigeria.

The rest of the world must be considering us very reasonable and intelligent. What a bright future we have! Our government officials are full of vision. What is it they ranked us again? The 7th nation with people living with the lowest IQ. Don’t mind them, they are jealous of our sense of reasoning and the brilliance of our leaders; what do they know? Can’t they see that our reasoning have brought us so much development? The only country in the world where spirits and demons are responsible for everything and anything.

I am just curious; if someone should build a structure that is not approved by the government, has he committed a crime? And then also, if that structure which was not approved turns-out to kill people, is it also a crime? Well, in Nigeria, the victims of negligence and disregard of the law by a church are called matyrs and the Priest is called a victim of strange aircraft attack. Good people, great nation!

Do you still have lawyers and a law in Nigeria? What am I even asking, he is a man of God “Let God be the judge”. If he likes, let him take actions that will kill all of us, it is ONLY God that will judge not man. Because of that, I am officially a man of God and I’ll be building structures as I please whether the government approves of it or not, after all it is only God that will and can judge me in my intention to make “matyrs” of the dead from my flagrant disregard of the law. The rule of law and the courts are for the animals of God. Can we all become men of God and enjoy this territorial immunity? That we might seize to pay taxes, commit actions of negligence, defraud the animals of God and get away with it. Whoever that complains and talks about my excesses as a man of God, he is an agent of satan and a pilot of “strange aircrafts”; theocracy! Nigerians, you are a civilized nation of rule of law, an enviable example to the rest of the world. Giant of Africa, you are, very truly.

Some folks are complaining and barking that T. Bribe Joshua offered bribe to journalists in other to kill the stories of his negligence which eventually caused the death of many. Well, as a man of Con sorry God, he is doing what is scriptural. It is written in Proverbs 17:8 (ESV):

“A bribe is like a magic stone in the eyes of the one who gives it; wherever he turns he prospers.”

We have too many criminals on the pulpit in Nigeria that should be having a date behind bars. We are just protecting, babysitting and encouraging them to be more criminal. And yet we wonder why we cannot grow? How can a nation where criminals are defended by the very people they are robbing ever grow? What you excuse and permit will always continue. Stocholms syndrome at its best that Nigerians suffer from. Every country deserves the woes that befall them. I repeat, Nigerians, check-mate your priests and polithiefcians.

I leave you with this quote by Thomas Jefferson a founding father of the United States:

“In every country and in every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot, abetting his abuses in return for protection to his own. It is error alone that needs the support of government. Truth can stand by itself.”

~Thomas Jefferson, in a letter to Horatio Spofford, 1814

By Imoh “Son of David”

Nigerian Preachers: The Demons Bewitching Nigerians.

By Imoh David-twitter: @ImohDavid

In Nigeria, there are four rams, sorry arms of government: the ExecuTHIEVES, legislathieves, JUJUciary and the unofficially declared Priesthieves. All of them together make a clown out of our nation. They work unanimously in looting, defrauding, abusing and shaming the Nigerian citizens and the state in general. If they disagree between themselves they are merely aggrieved on who is having the biggest loot of the day, or how the man in charge goes about his looting and not because they wish to do anything better for the nation. In those days, we use to have the “Milithieves” but most of them decamped into executhieves since the era of “milithievery” was over.

The priesthieves are the unofficial arm of government in Nigeria. In Nigeria, we have the Aso Rock, National Assembly, the courts of Justice and finally CAN as the citadel that houses our officials. As a Nigerian of this age, if you do not know, please be informed that CAN is now an arm of the government that we have refused to recognize and acknowledge. What else can I say? If it is not an arm of government and the members (who are priests) are not senior government officials, how come they have security details with the size of that of state governors and their properties like private jets are used in the interest of national security like importing weapons unbehalf of the state for our protection? CAN even knows the sponsors of Boko Haram and the security chiefs do not know. Awesome!

In Nigeria, priests are given military protection and riot police personnels for theirs escorts; which other nation in the world practices this type of absurdity? Aren’t we so brilliant? We have nothing tangible to make use of our security personnels other than converting them to errand details of some men with the fraudulent title of “men of God”. We should be proud of our achievements. These men must be contributing so much to our national GDP.

What a nation puts so importance on defines and shapes her future. In the saner climes of planet earth, the government protect scientists, economists, policy makers and inventors. In those places priests are as useful a skate-board to an ijebu man. And we are still wondering why those nations are doing better than us? In those saner climes, when politicians are about to go for elections, they attach themselves to economists and policy makers that will develop seducing policies that they can appeal to the voters. But here, what does our politicians do? They kneel before priests so that we are convinced they have common sense. Like citizens, like their rulers. Every country deserves the type of leaders they have. Leaders are merely the manifestation of the mass intelligence and sentiments of a geographical clime. We should be proud of our sense of judgment and intelligence.

An average Nigerian who is likely highly religious is more concerned by the newspaper headline that reads “Pastor Adeboye prays for the President” than the one which reads “The President budgets 50 billion naira for education”. The later headline is lesser of an appeal to the average Nigerian. The religious Nigerian is of the cognition that once a man calls himself “Man of God”, it automatically makes him above the law, socially immune to discussion and criticism, and no matter what he is found guilty of he is certainly right. This is a blessing to the polithiefcian and the pastorpreneurs; they partner in looting the masses and continually aim to reduce their sense of reasoning.

Even in the days of old, Priests were of no good to anyone. Even the biblical Jesus disliked them. Unknown to the religious Nigerians, the character called Jesus was a rebel and not some gentle man. He disliked priests passionately. He fought for the poor and the oppressed and not be taking sides with corrupt politicians to milk the masses and that is why they killed the man. If Jesus was in bed with politicians of his time like how CAN romances with the government, who would have killed him? It was the Priests and politicians that conspired and killed Jesus in the bible. There is nowhere that Jesus spoke highly of Priests. He specifically called them “Brood of vipers”, “Deceitful people”, thieves, lying tongues, hypocrites, etc. who impoverish the people and take their moneys. This is what drove the man mad at the temple where he whipped all of them that were engaging in trade. Do you think that your pastorpreneur will not whipped by Jesus if he met them in Nigeria? He’ll set their private jets ablaze and burn their exorbitant schools down.

If he were to be a Nigerian in this age, Nigerian pastors and Nigerian Christian will hate him. And this is why: if you speak ill of pastors, the religious Nigerian will hate you whether or not you say the truth. In short they do not want to hear anything truthful. Just lie to them and tell them what they want to hear and they’ll call you man of God. Nigerian pastors will have hated Jesus if he was a Nigerian living in this age because he would have spoilt their tithe business. Here is what Jesus said to Priests and tithes in the bible (Matthew 23:23):

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness….” I’m sure pastorpreneurs avoid reading passages like this to their sheeple.

Jesus spoke against injustice and defended the oppressed. Like the case of the woman accused of prostitution and wanted to be stoned to death- Jesus defended that poor woman. But in Nigeria, a man of Jesus slapped a poor woman for saying she “is a witch for Christ”. Let me ask you, would Jesus have slapped a woman for saying she is a witch for him? The man never slapped anyone, except for the truth he spoke against injustice. As a matter of Jesus was slapped by a priest in the bible just like how priests slap their sheeple.

John 18:22:

“When He had said this, one of the officers standing nearby struck Jesus, saying, “Is that the way You answer the high priest?”

Religious Nigerians would rather slap and fight another for speaking up against the fraud and lies perpetrated by pastorpreneurs like how Jesus was slapped by a religitard, saying how dare he speak to a priest that way. And this was Jesus’ response:

John 18: 23:

“If I said something wrong,” Jesus replied, “testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?”

If you are worshiping a God that hates people that express themselves and particular speak the truth, something is wrong with both you and that your God. You cannot be claiming truth and banning scrutiny at the same time; you are a fraud. Dear Nigerians, wake up and hold your priests to ransom; they must come with clean hands!

By Imoh “Son of David”

Papa Ayo Oritsejafor: The Spoilt child of a Religious Nation.

The story goes like this:

The Nigerian government wanted some cache of weapons in South Africa and so they borrowed Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor’s private jet. Probably because the self-acclaimed giant of Africa could not find a befitting aircraft amongst her fleets of military planes to transport the intended weapons for them, not even among the 10 private jets in Presidential fleet. It is Ayo Oritsejafor’s private jet that was the best. Maybe it is because his Private Jet runs on holy engines and is flown by angels.

Meanwhile, Ayo Oritsejafor did not know that the government intended to use his jet to buy weapons. He leased his jet to a 2nd person and the 2nd person leased to the 3rd and then the 3rd to the 4th (who happens to be 2 be an agent of the government and an Israeli with 10 million dollars). I get it, the unknown Israeli man told our government that they should rather buy weapons from South-Africa instead of his country, Israel, because it is better for SA to take the money than Israel who supposedly makes better weapons. So generous of the Israeli. So Israelis buy weapons for us. Military experts from our country did not have to follow to inspect the weapons and the inventory. Beautiful!

Also, the South African government was unaware that the Nigerian government was coming to buy weapons in their country. In their shock, they seized the jet and the money. Well, buying arms is more or less like buying noodles. Buying arms is now an Akara and moi-moi trade. It is not a serious thing and so, any government can walk into another country without informing the host country that they intend buying weapons in their country. So, a foreign government can just walk into another country like that, buy weapons and then off they go. And this is how the government of Nigeria have been buying weapons since 1960? Terrific! Shebi na me wan born Nigerian.

The words of Napoleon Bonaparte read: “I am surrounded by priests who repeat incessantly that their kingdom is not of this world, and yet they lay their hands on everything they can get.” That was in the 18th century that Napoleon struck such an observation. I wonder what he would have said if he were to be in Nigeria this day and met our pulpitarians who venture from the Pulpit to politics and now arms dealing. I do wonder sometimes, who wears more necklace; Lil Wayne or Rapper Ayo, sorry Papa Ayo? The unhealthy romance between the pulpitarians and polithiefcians is the result of this national ridicule of arms deal in our face. The private jet of our rap-star priest is used by a functional government to ship arms into the state. Does it mean that our national budget is decided in some Priest’s bedroom? When some illegality and crime is committed by a Priest, the government swiftly jumps into action to claim participation. These days I do not know the difference between PDP and CAN; PDP leaders sound like preachers. When they want to steal our money whether at the National Assembly or at the Executive council meetings, they begin with the statement”Let Us Pray”. Anytime you hear them chorus “Let us pray”, just know that somebody is about to be robbed. Is this democracy or theocracy?

It is no news that Nigeria is a nation of religious puppets, but for it to get to the level where our defense apparatus is part of an estate of a priest, then we are gone! Bye bye to our senses. The connection between a priest and arms dealing is miraculous. The parallel between the pulpit and military wares is epic, maybe it was needed to fight Satan since the “die by fire” prayers was not enough. It is totally understood.

Our polithiefcians and legislooters will always be safe and encouraged so far our minds are controlled by the priests. The priest is to the polithiefcian what the river is to a crocodile. Polithiefcians and priests complement each other in fingering the masses of their treasuries and resources into their personal coffers. They are comfortable colleagues in the field of con and theft.

In nations where polithiefcians are brought to book for malfeasance, priests are as significant in that clime like what a plate of egusi is to a Chinese man. But in nations where priests are accorded the luxury of breeding, corruption becomes their breast-feeding mother. No other place in the world where Priests are of national importance like Nigeria. The average Nigerian’s understanding of worshiping God is worshiping any man that calls himself “Man of God.” If I were the President of Nigeria, I’ll simply appoint a preacher as my minister of information and Presidential spokesman. Any time they speak, Nigerians will simply believe even when they know its a lie they’ll simply chorus “Don’t question the man of God.”

Dear Nigerians, if you cannot confront your priests, you will condone your polithiefcians and your nation will forever remain clowned! Anything or anyone that is barred from scrutiny have been given the license to commit fraud and crime freely. If Amaechi’s Private Jet was the one caught in South Africa, would the story and accusations have been different? Oh! The government grounded Amaechi’s Jet. But yet still, can the federal government hire River’s State Jet to buy arms in South Africa? Yes of course they will do it when Amaechi adds the title of a Bishop to his name. Hiring rapper Ayo’s Private jet was just a random coincidence. National security, we hail thy brilliance. Very awesome I tell you.

On the other hand, 12 Nigerian Army officers are sentenced to death and found guilty of mutiny while their GOC was simply retired.

First of all, I never knew that a criminal trial can be this fast in Nigeria. This is the quickest criminal judgment. What happened to the trials of EFCC cases on corrupt politicians and former governors? Is it after our great-grand children will die of old age that they will deliver the judgment? My country is amazing! If you want something to arouse your irritation, look no further, just start discussing Nigeria.

So, these 12 brave soldiers who were starved of their funds including military weapons by the government, suffered an embarrassing defeat in the hands of terrorists and lost their colleagues alongside battle just because some greedy Generals refused to do their works, and they are now found guilty of mutiny because they protested against the corruption and treason perpetrated by their superior. When exposing a crime is treated like a crime, then you are ruled by criminals.

If a General should starve soldiers of their weapons and allowances isn’t he committing mutiny? Trying to compromise the morale of soldiers and arousing their disaffection through a calculated decision of refusing to arm them is a treason and a mutiny against the state. The end result of this is the encouragement of high level treason against the state. What manner of justice is this? Aren’t they telling those soldiers that it would have been better they betrayed the state and fought for terrorists instead? Soldiers who fought for the state against terrorists are now rewarded with a death sentence, because they were disatisfied by the compromise of their GOC against the state. Anyone who deliberately takes an action to undermine the victory of the State in the fight against an external threat has committed treason and is planning mutiny, not the other person who is protesting against the person trying to undermine the victory of the state.

What are they teaching people here? That the reward of some top Chief conspiring against the state by starving the agents of government is retirement while those who aim to bring to light this conspiracy are punished by death. We are awesome!

So people who fought to protect the nation at the cost of their lives are rewarded with death? They did not die by the hands of Boko Haram but rather in the hands of the same people they were fighting. What a gratitude! Wouldn’t it better if they were terrorists and got killed by the government than to be an agent of the government and then ended up being killed by the same government?

Isn’t it awesome that men who stole billions in Nigeria are yet to be sentenced behind bars and some were granted Presidential pardon but those who put their lives at stake in the field are being rewarded with the grand prize of the gallows? In Nigeria, those who launder money and import arms in their private jets are not guilty of mutiny. What a nation! Are we not telling ourselves and others that it is profitable to be a big thief than the one revolts against big thieves?

Kill corruption, don’t killed our soldiers. They are already suffering enough in the battle field because of the senseless partisan politicians and corrupt statesmen hungry for power, don’t make it any worse. Free our soldiers! Reward them, don’t ruin them.

By Imoh “Son of David”

The Nigerian Military Should Be Praised Day and Night

The Nigerian Military Should Be Praised Day and Night by Imoh David.

Twitter: @ImohDavid

An average Nigerian can attest that the Nigerian military is at its best when dealing with the ordinary civilian on the streets. The average Nigerian resident can narrate a story or two where he witnessed the display of khaki brutality on a harmless cotton. If you want to find-out how well trained and equipped your military is as a Nigerian, wear a camouflage mufty and head towards a van filled with Nigerian soldiers. You’ll experience true anointing and baptism.

Reputably known for making civilians do frog-jumps on the streets while kicking them in the butt or tearing their whips recklessly into a large crowd and commuters traffic just to make way for their military convoy which is known for ridiculing traffic wardens and beating traffic lights. Maybe obeying traffic or civil order is not part of the Nigerian military training , maybe…
But I am surprised however, how they do not fail to shower their military-styled discipline on civilians who beat traffic lights. How do they know that beating the traffic is wrong? I thought they do not even know what the traffic stands for since they may be no traffic lights in the barracks and might wondering why civilians are merely being “bloody” by lining up behind some fancy lights. But alas! They beat other people for doing as they do. Okay I get it; Khaki wants to be the legitimate law-breakers and the cottons are the bloody defaulters that must be punished. What else do you expect? Like banana-republic, like soldier.

The reputation of the Nigerian military is flawlessly embarrassing when it comes to human rights abuse. The US military did not fail to testify of this on their first attempt to work with them on the Chibok girls missions. So embarrassing it was that they had to announce to the world they cannot work with our military due to their oozing human rights practice.

When governor Akpabio of Akwa Ibom state first introduced the military into the streets of Akwa-Ibom around 2008, the ordinary citizens who never had an encounter with soldiers unlike the typical Lagosian, Port Hacourt or Kaduna residents, saw hell in the hands of these strangers on khaki. The Okada riders were top on the list. Soldiers will drag a grown man from his car and do him like how my High school proprietor use to do to us back in high school, simply because he was on his cell-phone while behind the wheel. There was one they beat-up a middle aged man for overtaking their convoy.

Afterwards, they graduated to women wearing trousers, and guess what they did to them? They were busy ripping their trousers off and exposing their undies. The soldiers who were mostly from the North and probably muslims saw these southern fashion as haram and of course they interpreted their own form of justice on the women. Women began editing their wardrobe; the fear of Khaki was beginning of deeper-life fashion in Akwa-Ibom at the time. Governor Akpabio quickly returned the social terrorists on Khaki to where they came from and Akwa-Ibom residents were happy ever after.

Isn’t it sad that the military became an antagonist to the Nigerain citizen? Men who are suppose to protect them from external harm became the internal parasites to them; who will police the soldiers against the civilian? Who will protect the man in cotton against the excesses of the men in khaki?

However, in times of Boko Haram as this, the military have been of great help and we can pretend that they were never brutal and excuse their civil vampirism as the resultant effect of the lack of combat engagement and the manifestation of a hunger to practice their militarism. Thus, when the desirable is unavailable, the available becomes the desirable. The lack of combat from an external threat must have inspired their frustration on the civilian. Let’s just create an excuse briefly, yes we know it is stupid to do so. We create an excuse (even though is stupid) to put the bitter memory of our relationship with our soldiers aside so as to at least encourage and thank them for their combative effort against this evil, Boko Haram.

The Nigerian military should be praised day and night. They may not be perfect but they are the only functional government body in Nigeria at the moment. I can do anything, but to pick up arms to fight for this country which has registered itself as the most unserious and clueless of humanoids on earth is a luxurious virtue for me. But for these guys (the Nigerian military) to do this; put their lives on the line and be willing to sacrifice the comfort of their families with the gift of sleepless nights and constant panic. They should be praised and adored for this.

The statues of our fallen soldiers in the war against Boko Haram should be erected in the public and museums, their names be written in gold and their families should be adopted by the state.

If all of them were like me, who will fight Boko Haram? Well, if all of them were like me, some people in this country will be disappeared and I will ensure that I’m not taking orders from clueless superiors! These guys are given crude tools and inferior weapons by the state and then sent into the war-front to be humiliated by the enemies of the state. In the news, it was reported at a time that their allowances are not paid to them. Who gets humiliated this way and then still choose to sacrifice for the same state that is starving them? How else do you describe true love and patriotism? These guys are the truest patriots of all. The rest of us (including this Son of David here) are all hypocrites and cosmetic patriots.

Take a look those clueless greedy chaps in the FCT; our legistlooters, excecuthieves, polithiefcians, THEFTnators, PINGnisters, grubnors and pastorpreneurs. Which of them can and will be willing to take up arms to fight for us? They are only patriotic in corruption and cluelessness. If the chips are down, all of them will disappear to their real countries; UK, US, Dubai, Sweden and wherever they steal our moneys to. Is it Farouk Lawal, Senator Chris Anyanwu in the National Assembly that will stay back and take arms? Or is it El-Rufai that will go to Chibok forest for us? Or Ayo Oritsejafor and the Northern Emirs that will die for us? They are even protecting themselves and their properties with the Nigerian military.

These so called preachers and national priests in CAN and the national Imams, they have private jets and before Boko Haram reaches their doorsteps, they are already in the air screaming Hallelujah. Some will be watching us in their mansions in London saying “Dia ris God o”. But our soldiers are in the field fighting and bleeding for us all to be safe. Likewise the SSS; we do not know what these men do for us in the secret. Gathering intel and trying to break into the ranks of the enemy and espionage is a very dangerous and suicidal job. They must be rewarded greatly than everyone else.

We must honor these men. They are truly patriots. Their families must not be forsaken. Their wives, their children, parents and siblings must be comforted. Their names should be reciting in the schools. They are heroes, they are Gods, they are truly selfless men and better than all of us.

Henceforth, when I see a Nigerian soldier, I’ll salute him with an earnest adoration.

By Imoh “Son of David”

What Nigerians Do Not Know

Nothings rapes the fettle of a sound man like vesting his garrulous vim on the chaotic events in this nut vicinity, Nigeria. In order to contain your sanity in luxury, you may have to evade discussing the polity; the people and the politicians of this banana Republic. Just pretend you are not noticing their dance of absurd and give blind ears to their crass jingles, only then can you give your fettle some leverage from unsafe intercourse.

However, don’t be too eager to take my prognosis to the casino, for even if one may pretend to be disinterested in the hullabaloo of this hell-hole, it is no assurance that the madness of this nation will not be interested in you.

The first victim of Nigeria is the Nigerian. No other person victimizes him than another Nigerian who is also a victim of another victim in this territory. Everything you see in a place is nothing but a projection of totality of the state of mind of the occupants and residents of that place. The habitat of pigs cannot go any further than the luxury of a typical pigsty. The environment of the rabbit will be drilled to the taste of the rabbit. The pen will always be odiferous of the stench of goats. The pig cannot build nests and become neighbours with the Eagle. My home is simply a projection of me. If you go to the house of a clean man, it is the hygiene and sanitation of his home that will speak to you. You go to the home of a dirty man, the reception at his home will look like him.

If a goat is taken from the pen and put in the nest of the eagle, you’ll kill her. For that is not her place. If you put an Eagle in a rabbit’s hole, you’ll make her sick. If a man of good hygiene is made to live in the home of a man known for uncleanliness, there will be chaos. The hygienic man who is made a subject to the unclean man will never know peace and he’ll constantly be fighting his host. That is what happens when some of us are made to live in a place that is not in tandem with our mindset and nature.

To put it respectfully, Nigeria, sadly, is a place where common sense is a miracle. Rational thinking is an extinction, and reasoning is to Nigeria what summer is to Eskimos. It’s very hilarious, it’s very shameful, this I know but the truth, it is and my doing, it is not. A large population of the Nigerian masses are religious, estimated at 94% of the population. And like what religion does, it beclouds the sense of reasoning in people, thus, compromising their sense of judgement. Once the sense of judgement of a man is sabotaged, you cannot trust him to make sound choices, clarity of purpose on issues which includes his anger, sentiments, humour, responses, actions, non-actions, comprehension, etc and this has nothing to do with his classroom education.

A typical Nigerian will rather be offended by the sight of gays or a lady on skimpy dress than the police physically abusing a man. To him, the lady is on a short dress is a harlot and the homosexual is a greater evil than the police beating up a harmless civilian on the street. When a man accused of petty larceny is caught on the Nigerian streets, he gets burned alive or lynched to death by a mob of zealots. But when their politicians, the ones of theft and looting walk through the streets, these same mob convert themselves to cheering crowds and supporters. That is how remarkable their sense of judgement goes.

They are all victims of themselves. The police, military, business owners, students, civil servants victimize themselves in Nigeria. What is found in the government is found in the civilians. The government is simply the civilians who are accorded the virtue to exercise authority. They are one and the same flock playing different roles.

Recently, some soldeirs went agog, burning buses and destroying properties, beating up randome people in Lagos because their colleague was knocked down by a government vehicle. The Nigerian masses were crying foul, but unknown to them, this is duplication of themselves in military uniforms. Aren’t these soldeirs duplicating what the civilian does to another civilian he calls gay, thief, witch or whatever irritating cliche they deem fit? Unless Nigerians deal with themselves and their mentality, nothing is going to change; they’ll keep on preying on one another and then turn around to pray for an imaginary man in the sky for help. There is no miracle other this: the change of mentality of the average Nigerian is Nigeria’s salvation.

By Imoh “Son of David”