Category Archives: Qur’an

Nigerian Super-Feminist, Writer and Newspaper Columnist Temidayo Ahanmisi Reviews The Ultimate Curse on Mankind by Imoh “Son of David” and Rates It a 5 Star!!! (The Complete Review)

I should begin this review with a preamble about the thematic purview of the book, or any random relative that would arrest the attention adequately.

This work however makes nonsense of any such academic pretentiousness.

‘Religion – The Ultimate Curse on Mankind’ by Imoh David does not hesitate in the least. It starts right off sounding like a sudden loud clap in dormitory of sleeping bodies, and like such a sudden intrusion into the ongoing somnolence, it audaciously demands and grabs attention…from title to conclusion.

If nudging people aside in a crowd to get to an elevation of safety during a melee which threatens to lead to a life-threatening riot is considered rude, then this book can be safely adjudged as rude.

The style is at once argumentative and confrontational, but it is a brusqueness which begs its necessity from sheer expediency.
Written in form of a soliloquy in parts, and a factually historical treatise in a few others, ‘Religion – The Ultimate Curse on Mankind’ reads more like one side of a conversation with a somewhat overbearing, but astutely observant and engaging lunch companion. The language is at times brusque, the style uncompromisingly opinionated.

It is a hard book to read, and this not because of its language. It is as tasking in the same sense that listening to a speech that challenges a hitherto cherished Life stance can be arduous. This book does not try to make friends. It takes brazen swipes at the Nigerian society in particular, and extends its reach to the broader African society and the black race in general.

The author switches easily between extremes of sarcasm to a strait-laced excoriation of prevailing popular culture and religion with suggestions of a deep exasperation which at once intimate the reader with a probable inner worldview of the artist as one who must either have endured some deep personal injury from the behemoths he confronts, or else is an especially prolific artist who may have just created an important sub-genre of the literary form of the Spoken Word.
The reader swings with the author from the same pendulum, but it is not altogether an unpleasant experience, as mental interruptions like these usually go…much like watching a performance by a skilled word artist.
The reader is aware of his own separation from the performer. At the same time, he frowns, smiles or jerks upright in tune with the performer’s changing cues.

The political incorrectness is in parts cringe worthy, and in other parts endearing.
The author uses epithets like ‘’sheeple’’ and ‘’religitard’’ in describing religious persons with an audacity some might find vexatious.
Perhaps it could be argued that the author could not possibly escape such descents into bare-knuckled affronts to social niceties and related courtesies, as this work takes on an unmistakably formidable adversary – Religion.
This author laughs at Religion, even taking broad swipes at God in parts. He takes a swipe at the holy writs of the two biggest world religions with the least of apprehensions, boldly taking on those questions most have always grappled with, but did not dare voice. A lack of civility quickly becomes the least of the reader’s concerns as he progresses in the delightfully interesting tour of religious and socio-cultural reality the author so eagerly takes him on.

The book makes a few claims which must be questioned. The process of querying these claims however throws up an interesting conundrum.
Take this instance:

‘’If God hears not the prayers of the religious Nigerians and accord the largely irreligious Japanese military triumph over Nigeria, does it not show that God is on the side of the man whose abilities and resources will make his work easier? …’’
The Japanese are not irreligious. Buddhism is the popular religion in Japan.

Then again in a rather queer twist, the author’s argument is redeemed, seeing as his ‘God’ in focus is clearly the Muslim god, Allah, and the Christian god, Jehovah (or Yahweh).
If Yahweh or Allah is not the controlling deities of the Japanese, how then is the argument by born again Christians that economic success is dependent on affiliation with Jehovah (Yahweh) tenable?
Who prospers Muslims? Who ensures success and progress to Hindus, Buddhists and Ifa adherents?
This is yet another way this work intrigues. It creates a special difficulty in its critique, because it drags you into its queries. It is like an inquisition the whole community of its readers cannot help but attend. Problem is it is their inquisition. They are their own examiners.
Again, in questioning the recent Forbes list of wealthiest preachers on the globe, the author wonders:
. ‘’…isn’t it ironic that people like (the) Dalai Lama and Rumi did not make the list?’’

If this ‘’Rumi’’ refers to the Persian poet and mystic Jalal ad Din Rumi, then one has to imagine that citation could only be asking for a posthumous listing, just as of Mansa Musa of the ancient Malian empire, as Rumi has been dead since 1273.
I was in the process of writing this review when news broke that a state governor in Nigeria had approved the sum of fifty five million Naira to sponsor a Quran recitation fest. This just after it was reported that all 36 states governors in Nigeria were agonizing over the payment of a mere N18, 000.00 (about $95 USD) monthly minimum wage for government workers.

I struggled to deal with the sense of despair this engendered in my insides, so I could be detached adequately from the task before me.

It wouldn’t have done for me to immerse myself in the raw ire seeping through the pages of the work before me.
If I did, I would have been content to simply say:

‘’you know what?
Read ‘Religion – The Ultimate Curse on Mankind’ by the hugely promising new-kid-on-the-block, Imoh David, the Nigerian atheist, visual artist and writer.

Read this book and be substantially wiser.

You might be indicted. You will be indignant for the most. You will come out smarter nonetheless.

What’s more, you could perhaps manage some sense of gratitude that in your lifetime you had the privilege of entering the mind of another human who made the venture of being human the most profoundly honourable privilege there ever could be.
If nothing, this sense of gratitude could be your own personal salvation from the Hobbesian drudgery the larger swathes of our shared humanity seem so bent on pulling everyone and everything into!’’

I would finish with that exclamatory flourish, and publish, content with the conviction that I have in the space of those few words managed to encapsulate my honest opinion and the entire review necessary of this work.

The Caveats would have been sufficiently conveyed. The overall conclusions as to the readability and quality of the work would have been settled too.

This would have been a good review, and as the exercise goes, that should one of the most imperative concerns of any critique of a creative work, whether it is of architecture or of literature – its necessity and usability.

This honestly brave work would have however suffered an unfair injury from such a review.

It would have been visited by a rather cruel malison delivered by the hands of this reviewer.
If you are left scrambling as I did, for a dictionary to look up ‘’malison’’, then be sure that you are not in any way imagining my smug grin of a ‘’serves you right’’ satisfaction. The one who elects to find companions to share their misery would understand my contentment only too well.

This was my major grouse with this work. One has to wonder if perhaps the author was either enjoying himself a bit too much for general comfort, or worse, was just being clever.
While I can understand the possibility of someone who delves into the decidedly difficult terrain of daring to challenge the behemoths of Religion and even God with a charmingly dexterous literalism such as this author employs so breezily, finding some heady exhilaration with the whole exercise, I have to wonder also if the author is not delving into sheer cleverness at the expense of his own creation.
And while I yet mull over the author’s intents, I would take the liberty to say this book makes no attempts at bending to the irenic in any way.

I wanted to say ‘’irenic’’. I came across it in my foray into Webster’s world in my search for the meaning of ‘’malison’’.

Forgive me. Such is the unwitting effect of reading this book. The charm is subtle, but its effects are unmistakable. Imoh David can make you enjoy words just a bit more.

This book paints a haunting picture of today’s society, so that the reader is immediately unsettled.

‘’Nigeria is a country that boasts of some of “God’s best generals”. Some of these so called God’s generals work so hard and are in constant demand for miracles by their flock that they have purchased private jets to improve their efficiency. Yet, not once has God used them or any number of millions of devoted Christians to separate our Siamese twins or grow the limbs of our amputees. When it comes to these types of cases, it appears that God prefers the miracle of medical science…’’

The age-long question evangelizing persons have always posed to the potential proselyte has always been: ‘’why don’t you believe (in God)?’’

The respondent is usually left squirming for good reason. Seeing as our society is so rampantly pious, the idea that there could ever be a remotely honourable reason for not believing in God is inconceivable.

The query of our age has begun to shift, and not a moment too soon. Courageous secularists, humanists, atheists and other shades of freethinkers have helped reshape the query to:

‘’Why do you believe (in God)?’’

The venture of belief is under attack.
This would logically unsettle anyone who strives for tolerance and some measure at least of ecumenism within and among religious philosophies and adherents.

Imoh David queries this discomfort
There is very little conciliation to the finer points of the highest counter-arguments in favour of Religion by scholars and all shades of apologetics in that realm. The author wields his scythe a little too brutally, and so might have opened up his conclusions to vociferous excoriation by those his weapon injures, as well as other critics.
The author leaves a few blindsides in his most compelling arguments. For a work taking on a subject that is as vexingly controversial as criticizing religion, such oversight could prove grievously injurious in the hands of the aggrieved.

The author takes a quite literal view of the religious texts for one. He highlights one of the most questionable Muslim hadiths:

Tabari 1:280: “Allah said, ‘it is my obligation to make Eve bleed once every month as she made this tree bleed. I must also make Eve stupid, although I created her intelligent.’ Because Allah afflicted Eve, all of the women of this world menstruate and are stupid.”

The more significant numbers of religious apologetics usually interpret these troubling verses in largely metaphorical terms, when the argument of contextual expedience does not suffice.

‘’Stupid ‘here is usually explained away by apologists as the Ancients’ understanding of pre-menstrual symptoms.

Again even without much strain, the author makes a solidly good case against the opponent. If the ancients were so terribly misled, how could the present age not be endangering civilization and human progress itself by following the dictates of men so flawed in reasoning and rationalization of natural phenomena?
The book is peppered with famous quotes from contemporary and historical thought icons – from the fields of philosophy, the humanities, arts and science, but I daresay it is the originally quirky quips by the author himself that would more likely remain indelible in the readers memory, what with their uncanny ability to stir either mirth or vexation in the mind long after the book has been put down.
The possibility that you would never hear or witness most commonplace cliché events without recalling a quote from this book is especially strong.
‘’ Sex sells, but Fear is the superior salesman’’, is one of such instances.
The author displays a skill with descriptive coinages that most would find delightful, as they interrupt the somberness of the discussion at choice points.

The fact that they are easily understood helps quite some.
Words like ‘’Pastorpreneur’’ which have slowly crept into the informal Nigerian street lexicon, and ‘’Pulpitarian’’ come to mind here.

‘’Pimpingstry’’, which is obviously the author’s creation suggest a carefully restrained wit, the kind which provokes a winsome smile of comprehension from not a few readers especially in the millennial demographic.

This work does not sneak itself into the tapestry social discourse. It comes bellowing. Querulously.
It is not abashed at its imperfections. The author for instance admits to an unawareness of Islamic Feminism.
‘’ I do not know if there are any such people as Muslim feminists, but if they are, I won’t be surprised…’’
For a work which so carefully researched much of Islamic history in its course, this oversight would appear to be deliberately dismissive.
In all, the author’s thoughts on Feminism Vis a Vis Religion, with special emphasis on Christendom is groundbreaking and audacious. Considering the general audacity of the thrust of the entire book, this is not surprising.

‘’…A Christian feminist sounds as awesome a Jewish Nazi.’’

The author in a nutshell, challenges the Christian woman to throw religion overboard without apologies. As he holds that the idea of the religious feminist is quite the offensive paradox.
The commonsense logicality of some of his assertions is self-evident. The fact that they bear repeating, and have to be defended or emphasized with any strain at all is the major indictment against our present age. It is also the most compelling argument for this work.

What this reveals is that Religion – The Ultimate Curse on Mankind is much more than just a book. It is an ongoing conversation which merges into the long-term sociopolitical discourse of our civilization – a world grappling with the inevitable berthing of Reason and Secularism on the philosophical landscape.

Sequels to this monumental work would certainly not be unexpected…and why not? Works of art should be about Life. The creativity worth its adjective is that creativity that transcends the confines of its presentational form and sneaks its tentacles into and around just about every area of human engagement, affecting the very realities that undergird their existence.
This book delivers on these grounds. It delivers well. I daresay it is one book that is expected to earn a very comfortable listing beside some of the best known works by the leading voices on Secularism, Humanism and Atheism.

Nigeria’s answer to the Dawkins, the Hitchens and the Hirsi Alis of our world might have just been born in Imoh David.

In conclusion, the author makes a solidly good case for the re-examination of the venture of Belief; the necessity of Religion, especially as an integral aspect of our public life; of the impeccability of Faith.
This book is a worthy read across all fields of thought.
I personally hope this author finds and keeps his voice for a very long time to come.

Temi Ahanmisi.
Nov. 22, 2015.

You can get Imoh Son of David’s best selling book The Ultimate Curse on Mankind on Amazon here

To support the author’s work, you can also get the Ultimate Curse inspired designers T-shirts here:

Curiousity Murders God

Why are people usually afraid or shy away from asking questions?

Some people would rather die in silence than throw open or send forth the simple words or phrases of “what”, “why”, “when”, “how” etc.

I have never seen a man die because of asking questions, but I have seen people die because of ignorance. Wait! What did I just say? My bad, people have died so many times because they asked questions, how could I forget so easily why the dark ages was called the dark ages.

In those days when religion ruled, specifically that of the Christian faith was solely responsible for the brutal execution of millions people who asked questions concerning their faith.
Such that one of my favorite icons, Voltaire in a letter to Frederick II of Prussia said:
“Every sensible man, every honorable man, must hold the Christian sect in horror.”
The legendary luminary went ahead to say:
“Christianity is the most ridiculous, the most absurd, and bloody religion that has ever infected the world.”

Even till today, people still get killed from asking questions. The camel brigade cousins of Christianity, Islam is the chief priest of this act in this age.

That is why the religious man is perplexed by those of us who ask questions, because it is a shock to them that one can be this mentally free. To them, the bewildered, they were configured by their organizations to maintain silence of the mind and ask no questions since childhood. And since the Christians of this age may no longer burn those who ask questions on stakes, they excuse themselves that one that ask pertinent questions would be punished by providence and so when they see some us who do not acknowledge such primitive and ridiculous providence it shocks them and they respond with paranoia or separation of contact.

They call it blasphemy and nobody wonders why it is only in theology and religion where the miserly lettered word is of great credence to the psyche such that it can emit punishment from their part?

The answer is simple: when you are on the side of falsehood, lies, irrationality and delusion, the only thing necessary to secure your estate is brute force. This is the true birth of blasphemy. Blasphemy only exists where the established authority is illegitimate, false, misleading and indefensible upon confrontation with interrogation.

If blasphemy were to be replicated in all tires of life, then no one would be allowed to questioned criminals, no one would be allowed to write articles in the newspapers and the internet and nobody would be allowed to practice democracy. Above all, there would be no lawyers, since everyone would be citing blasphemy for every defense.

This is the principle difference between theology and science, rationality and irrationality, faith and fact, lies and truth, falsehood and reality. To shield yourself from being bewitched by ignorance, ask questions. Those who ask questions can only experience a brief moment of ignorance but those who don’t will die in ignorance. And no man has ever gotten knowledge by being silent with curiosity.

Whatever does not tolerate questioning does not have any answer to anything. And that is why religion will always be a backward and primitive vice and shackles to anywhere it is exalted.

Curiosity Murders God

By Imoh “Son of David”

How mad have your beliefs driven you?

If you have to hate people in order to love God or proof you love God, then that God of yours is a monster, and a very dangerous one.

If your faith, belief, loyalty or love of a God can make you destroy relationships, feel uncomfortable about others (who do not patronize your God), that your God is one of discord and acrimony.

If you cannot see a human as a human, a man as man, all because of your patronage of a character in a realm foreign to reality, you are the beginning of everything wrong with life on earth.

To test your sanity and sense of rationality:-

If the sight of an unbeliever or criticism of religion infuriates you more than the sight of a homeless man on the street….

If the statement from a person “God is dead” or “There is no God”, annoys you more than the statement “1 million children starve today”…

If the statement from a man which reads “I don’t believe in God” distabilizes you more than the statement “I am broke and helpless”…

If the news of the cartoonization of Muhammed unleashes your paranoia than the news of 200, 000 victims of genocide…

If the photo of Miley Cyrus twerking on a big crucifix arouses your damnation than the picture sick patients in a hospital…

…. If all these irritation arise because of your God, beliefs or religion, never consider your morals anymore reasonable and kinder than that of a beast. You offend the collective sensibility of humanity and the essence of existence. Like I once read a man said, “Repent and become human.”

By Imoh “Son of David”

“Dear Man, You Embarrass me”- God

In those days when men were highly superstitions, they gave in to anything to explain that which they were incapable of explaining by the standards of their ignorance at the time. Religion, came in for the rescue; to explain all things- the causes of things, their effects and even more promising and saultry ones. As such, religion became physics, biology, chemistry, medicine, astrophysics, Geography, astronomy, and even social sciences like Government, law, economics, sociology and a lot more.

Yes, men were satisfied with such standard of reasoning and explanation of things. Thus, the earth was flat, the rainbow is a bow of a covenant between God and man, God lives in the sky, the bat is a bird, epilepsy is a demonic attack, the sun moves, the stars hang on the sky, below the earth lies a torture durgeon for evil doers, sky resident winged beings called angels exist, fancy creatures like dragons, unicorns are for real, that God(s) are of two classes (the original and the fakes); the original is good and the fakes are bad to men, and there exist a life after death etc just to name a few.

Gradually, they graduated to explain the causes of events on earth. That suffering came from a pair of naked couple who had an interview with a talking snake in a garden on the subject of a forbidden fruit. That snakes crawl because of a meted punishment for a chat with a naked woman which led the consumption of a fruit, that the reason why women suffer painful labour is not far from same meted punishment but they forget that all mammals experience painful labour. They said the reason why men are born with some form of disabilities is because of the sins of their fore-parents.

They even went into the preference cuisine, with declarations that the consumption of certain meats is sinful because such animals are unclean, however, created by a clean God. That animals like cats, owl, dogs etc are most patronized by vile spirits for nefarious exercise.

However, they took it further to assign the division of the human race into a ” we versus them” contest. The “We”, are for those who believe and patronize the tenets of their fancies and the others were bashed into an office with label such as “sinner”, “infidel”, “unbeliever”, “devil”, “deceiver, etc. The “we versus them” creed was adopted to heart that men kill and are willingly to separate from their brothers simply on the ground of disparity of their acclaimed faith, but on the other hand, they waiver themselves as peaceful, good natured, reasonable, charitable and worthy of emulation. While they engaged in such, others equally concorted their own version of explanation of things and they all called it Faith, Truth or Belief. Men of faith, they called themselves. Respect my beliefs they never fail to chorus, but their belief is of the speciality of bloodbath, division, hatred, bigotry and accusations against all others but themselves. This, they say it is reasonable. The race of drumming affection for things they have no proof of except quotations from fancy books which they manufactured and finger as holy and not of finite volition.

However, this same literature of over-rated importance is fraught with all manner of absurdities and contradictions. Miraculously, they see them not even if it is pointed into their faces. “Die!” They chorus against the man who differ or loquaciously spots a gaffe. Men now love that which is a lie and are willing to slaughter their kind for the sake of literature. Love of God, they label it. And if you have no God, they chorus foolery but no evidence of wisdom is found whatsoever in their conduct of affairs or literature. Over-rated self importance and sheer cold heartedness wrapped with the cloak of brazen irrationality to all matters is their style. Man is a Fool, sayest the writer. What other class of beings destroy their species and environment because of his patronage of a being that cannot be shown to all? “You shame me oh man, for I exist only in your head”, says the man in the Sky, “Keep your own in peace, conduct your affairs for I have no interest of function with thee”, the sky-daddy says, but man heareth not….. What a foolish creature!

By Imoh “Son of David”

How To Make Me Repent

For a while I’ve been battling with the patience of containing this camel brigadier on my blackberry messenger list.

I have given up trying to figure out my tolerance operandi and the elasticity of my patience. Many a times I explode over something that I’ve condoned with a miraculous over-bearing warmth. And in another scenario where I should naturally not withold my contempt, the spirit of good social sportsmanship possesses me, that I become dumb-founded such that I cannot lay hold of an ounce of provocation to excuse pouncing on my assailant. My emotions require the comprehension of an atomic-physicist, so I give up studying her; Atomic Physics is not this Son of David’s playground. I pass.

This Camel brigade chap has been on my bbm list to torture my stoic spirits. “With what?” If you may inquire. With the recitation of his buy-bull fancies. The muslim religitard who apparently got my BB pin from my profile added me on bbm to convert me to his Arabian sky-team. Chai!

An adult homosapien after weighing this Son of David from hair-to-toe convinces his cripple intuition that he can talk me into patronizing the literature of a fashionable desert schizo. Is it possible that someone can convince himself that he can sell the monkhood of buddhism to Bishop Oyedepo or T.D Jakes? There are people who think they can somehow miraculously reason with a wild lion in the bush to eat grass.

Quietly ignoring his consistent messages, was my act, but it did no good in passing a message into the skull of this adult. My silence was broke when this camel brigadier told me I’ll be rewarded with 72 virgins in the sky. That was an abuse on my cognition, I could not ignore this one garbage.

First of all, I do not like virgins. Nowhere! Luckily for me, I’ve never met one and I desire not to meet any in bed. I am not a babysitter. I do not possess the aptitude skills of a high school teacher. I am not a virgin, I need not one either. I do not wish to abuse my bed with melancholic partners. Science is yet to invent an “unfuck” button. I cannot deal with the torture of bloody novices in an art of intense demand of satisfaction.

Finally, to realize that I found no respect in the eyes of this man with his attempt to lure me, a whole Imoh with a childish sermon of celestial pussy is a big insult on my senses. Of all incentives, this camel clan religitard found it convincing that the one which will appeal to my lust are the imaginary thighs of padlocked hijab vessels. Damn!

If I have 99 problems, pussy ain’t one and heaven is out of the chronology. If you want to sell me your tripe and want to convert me to your sky-band, offer me money. I am not stupid to the level of doing some imaginary celestial commerce. Say to me “Imoh I’m offering you 1 million dollars to believe there is an invisible turban-wearing Arabian genie in the cosmos for 30 days”, and I’ll believe you sincerely for just 30 days. But you can extend the contract of celestial patronage if you can afford the cost of my faith.

However, I am not sure anyone will want to throw that sum of money into the coffers of one single spoilt “kafir”.
If you cannot afford such exhorbitant commerce, then don’t bother selling me any hogwash to me cos I’ll I won’t buy it and I’ll hurt your celestial feelings in turn.

As for the camel brigade religitard, if you are wondering how I dealt with his irritation: well, I simply applied the “religitardicide” and that is: offending and insulting their imaginary sky-genie. They’ll simply delete themselves unbehalf of the offense poured on God.

By Imoh “Son of David”

Do You have An Imaginary friend?

Everything is to be feared about a man who claims to hear or to have heard a voice which others are disabled from participating equal audience.

The Abraham-Isaac saga as narrated in Abrahamic texts is a repugnant scenario if played in the theatre of today’s world. What would you make of a news reported in the dailies about a man who absconded with his son to an unknown location with a knife to slit the young lad’s throat simply because he claims a voice in his head commanded so? Will you erupt with a standing ovation on hearing such news screaming “FAITH! FAITH! OH FATHER OF FAITH”? But of course nothing is wrong about the tale of Abraham neither can we quiz his mental fettle so far his imaginary consigliere bears the name “God” and it’s written in a book our parents and society programmed into our minds.

More is to be feared from men who sincerely claim and are certain they hear imaginary voices than the wild beast. More than anything else, harm has been done on mankind by men who heard imaginary voices.

More than 1500 years ago, the story is told about an Arabian man who claimed he not only heard a voice but had a physical visitation of an entity he called Angel Gabriel (In Arabic: جبريل, Jibrīl or جبرائيل Jibrai”). After returning from this encounter at the desert, he came with a new gift; a new text and laws. That was not all. He came with a new vision and mission; to establish the tenets of this voice (which only him had access to). True to this, he ripped throats, enslaved men and did as he pleased. And whatever he was pleased with, equally pleased the imaginary voice he heard and whatever angered him, angered his invisible friend. He passed away, but his legacy is still here threatening the peace of mankind. Oh! Lest I forget, this voice of his was called Allah and he was his last true messenger (according to what he said the voice told him to tell us).

Should we question the mental status of this man? Hell no! It is blasphemy to do so because he claimed the voice that spoke to him told him to tell us that if we doubt his credibility or question his authority, not only are we blind, deaf, dumb and foolish, but we must be killed. On the other hand, he said this voice told him to tell us that hell equally awaits us too. I love my head on my shoulder, so I pass. I also agree that when a man marries many women and keep sex slaves including a 9 year old girl, he is a very sound and holy man. I equally agree that when a man uses the sword to spread his ideology, destroy lives and properties, there is nothing absolutely wrong about him. Even though he had invisible friends and enemies. Like one time he beat-up his invisible arch-enemy who is a ground troll and tied him to a pillar but his invisible friend later came and asked him to set the ground troll free. There is nothing wrong about such a tale and I agree that it is only a sane mind that is capable of such feat. I pledge corporation.

Men who sincerely hear imaginary voices are very dangerous especially if they hold the commandments of their invisible friends in high esteem. Such people should be faraway from those who do not possess the magic of their hearing senses. Once an individual is at peace and corporation with the voices his imaginary friends, he is an awaiting tragedy to his environment. Far be me from people who befriend invisible voices. What if the voice in his head tells him to do to me as the Japanese do to Sushi? Won’t it become a newspaper headline? “Man stabs man because God commanded him”, the news headlines will read. Oh my bad! Men has been slaughtering other men because God asked them to, my short memory is at it again.

The leader of the dreaded Isalmist group in Nigeria- Boko Haram by name Abubakar Shekau claimed that he had an encounter with Allah who told him to launch jihad on Nigeria and western education. True to the desires of the voice that spoke to him, he is unleashing the will of his invisible friend on us. History tells us that he is not the first to hear the voice of the invisible man with that name. If you sincerely hear an imaginary voice all the time or in a robust relationship with an invisible friend, it will be a great service to those of us who do not possess your kind of ears to check yourself into a medical facility. Be kind to mankind and your environment by submitting yourself to the psychiatrist to kill the voices in your head and break-up the relationship with your imaginary pal.

Another thing I’ve learned is that: if your imaginary friend is called Allah, Yaweh, Holy Spirit, Angel Gabriel, God, then you are a prophet, a man of God or a spiritual person. But if your imaginary friend is named Bill, Okon, Linda, etc then you must be sick or possessed by demons. But that is not all. If you say that there are no imaginary voices and friends like Allah, it will be declared with certainty that you are mad and then locked up in a mental hospital like the Nigerian atheist, Mubarak Bala. Don’t you just admire the awe of the 21st century? Men with imaginary friends run the lunatic asylum.

By Imoh “Son of David”