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The four types of Christians and the ONE you must avoid PT 4: THE PASTORPRENEURS

Napoleon Bonaparte, the French military and political leader who lived in the 18th century did not spare to note in his famous quote “I am surrounded by priests who repeat incessantly that their kingdom is not this world and yet they lay hands on everything they can get”. One can simply imagine that the practice of priestly gluttony did not begin in this age, and it is in fact an inherent character of the men in robes who mount religious altars to insatiably crave for the luxury of coins and the pockets of the simpleton.

The pastorpreneur is the man on the payroll of everyone’s pocket in the church. He is the reason why the churchgoer can’t put his mind off on “settling God”. He is the reason why the churchgoer will work twice harder in order to bring his proceeds to God of which the pastorpreneur is impersonating in practice. Men of God they call them, but Gods of men they are, for whatever they lay claim to the sheeple as the dictates of God, such declaration is certainly of God and the sheeple won’t and can’t question. When the churchgoer says he pays his tithe to God, they are the Gods in whose possession the tithe safely lies. Their pocket – the church’s offering, their bank account- the collective proceeds of men, and the minds of men- their football pitch. None other but these men solely control the mentality and minds of men en masse. The mentality of a religitard is determined by the oral blunder of his pastor.

They are like software developers, whose input determines the output and behavioral outcome of the religitard and churchgoers. Insult the religitard and every other thing, but say no word about his pastorpreneur; he’ll skin you alive. To the shepple, he is blameless. Even in his glaring blemish and corruption, they see nothing and hear no evil. True to this, the pastorpreneur lives as God; for who can blame God? The choir spinsters are for his delight, to do freely as he is pleased. Fishers of men like the holy book labels them, and true to the title, all he needs to do is simply point at the desired spinster(fish) and the kill is all to his indulgence in the bedroom. After all he who works in the altar, must eat from the altar. The pastorpreneur not only possesses the power to hack into the wallets and minds of men, he can equally hack in between the thighs of the religitard bandwagons on skirts. As a man, you just can’t help but envy the pastorpreneur; all he’s got to say is “Thus says the Lord sister Grace, ‘commit thy vessels of milk and flowery temple into the hands of the prophet, that he may come his bowels into thy wet abode”, and boom! He is laid. Call it the work of the PIMPINGSTRY, sorry, the work of the ministry.

Not only are the wallets and purse of gullible men not safe around these men, the thighs and breasts of maidens are not spared from their nets. Whether a bachelor or a married man, the pastorpreneur is a lustful man. It is said by the old quote that “power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely”. The priest is one who wields some power over the minds of people under the sound of his voice and fellowship. He is one who is highly revered, wielding the age old primitive book tagged “holy” and above all unquestionably sacrosanct to dictate to people the affairs of their mind, what ought to be and not ought to be. He is regarded as the servant of God, the voice of God, one who knows the affairs and dictates of God more than the rest of the clan. As such his voice is that of God, his opinion is God’s and his demands are God’s. He is the voice of God and the “GOD of Voice”; the man whose voice supersedes every other voice in the mind of the religious. He is the man whom the people have appointed to deceive them, the man whom men have permitted to lie to them, extort them and determine to them what ought to be and not be.

More gullible and susceptible to their greed are the desperate single women in the church; the single sisters whose desire is to hear the one over-rated statement of two brief words “I DO”. In the Pentecostal churches where some preachers are referred to as “Prophets” or “Seers”; preachers who are believed to possess some special gifts to perform miracles and hear in real-time from God, these desperate singles are their favorite play toys and objects of quick extortion. Since the prophet is regarded as one who speaks with God in real-time and posses extra authority and power to do certain miracles like giving husbands, jobs, healing, wealth, etc.The contest to please this very pastorpreneur is trendy and politicking in the church. The coins and properties of men are his gifts without even calling. The stupidity of the ignoramus is his blessing no which he will ride happily on with a smile to the bank. Those who possess no cash to gain his favor that will draw his miraculous intervention into their predicament, they often opt to pay in kind either by being dedicated workers in the church, domestic helpers at the preacher’s house, not excluding the services of aiding the man in times of erection. When it comes to servicing the bedroom of the priest and attending to matters of his priestly erection, the gullible spinsters and female religitards are ones who happily tend to his libido. Like the religious always defend their gullibility and extortion by the preacher say “If I give the man of God, I am giving to God not a human being. Because the bible says “WHOEVER RECEIVES A PROPHET … SHALL RECEIVE A PROPHET’S REWARD…..” The acclaimed holy book says “FOR WHOEVER SHALL GIVE YOU A CUP OF WATER TO DRINK IN MY NAME ……. HE SHALL NOT LOOSE HIS REWARD”. As such, it should be defended that giving one’s vagina to the priest and tending to his thirst in erection or libido is “giving unto God” and not the preacher.

No other day of the week gives the preacher so much joy like Sundays. He is on his highest ebb on these days. You can never find an unhappy pastor on Sunday unless of course the turn-out in the Sunday service was disappointing or the church offering did not amount to what he had hoped for. Cetris paribus, the preacher is the happiest on Sundays. Standing tall and high on joy on the pulpit, the preacher is often the finest to sing the popular church song “I AM HAPPY WHEN THEY SAY LET US GO TO THE HOUSE OF THE LORD”. Every preacher is at orgasm when the lyric of this song from the psalms of David is played aloud. And the preacher never fails to echo “IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD, THERE IS FULLNESS OF JOY”. If you are the preacher, will you disagree? Standing shoulders-high like an alpha-male on the pulpit and over-looking his congregation, his sees the vibrating smile of his church members, the happiness and willingness by the sheeple to be fleeced by their shepherd. He sniffs the air and smells the gullibility of the people, he inhales deeply and drops a worship song that expresses his innate euphoria, and true to his vibe, the people about to make him richer join to echo his joy as he closes his eyes to picture his bank figures about to add some weight.

The preacher is a like a spoilt child and a baby that refuses to grow-up. He wants to be fed, he wants his needs to be everyone’s, and he wants his desire to be everyone’s burden. All he does is demand, ask, and beg, and above all, he demands like it is his right to be given. He wants a new car, the congregation must find a way to bring it to his garage. He builds a new home, the congregation must be involved. He gives nothing to people but wants everyone to give him everything. The only thing he gives to the people are adrenaline triggering rhetoric and sermons all tailored towards how they should give to his purse, which he’ll tag as “the church”. Give, give and give is what their mouth is dripping with.

Like a spoilt child and an ingrate, those who give the most to his coffers are his favorite, whom he appoints special sits and titles in the congregation. The men whose pockets leak the most into his coffers, their homes his feet shall find an unending tourism. Pitiable are those who have nothing to contribute to his bank account, for they do not exist. They are ones whom the axe of “church discipline” and discrimination hangs around. More pitiable is the man whose home the preacher’s feet knew but fate took away the one object which brought the preacher continually to his yard. Like a used snack, he shall be thrown into the dustbin of history.

Pastorpreneurs are among the worst ingrates ever. They dance around men who contribute copious sums to their “PIMPINGSTRY” and greet the meager members with a snob appeal. When the person who is in the habit of showering their coffers with money is ineffective or goes broke, they dump the individual and move on to another host. They are parasites, ingrates and con men. All they care about is their business and you just have to envy the way they call it: “the Work of God”, “ministry”, etc. They are in the business of competing against each other. Pastor A versus Pastor B; who has more sheeple, who is richer, who drives better cars, whose wife is prettier or more expensive. Their competition is even taken outside the church business to schools and private jets ownership. And the religitards are applauding to the rat race as their incomes are fueling the luxurious greed of the priests.

Priests are men of avarice on fraudulent robes saddling the minds of gullible men to the abattoir, slaughtering every piece of sense and reason in them and with no intention to spare any pint of rationality in their souls. They are the merchants of superstitions, marketers of fairy-tales and the parasites of the men’s coins. You need not wonder why the politicians are found with them. Be wary of them for they will take your money, rob your senses and drain every drop of rationality left in your soul and replace it with fear, bigotry, pious hope for superstitions and buffoonery. Your daughters are not safe with them; they will snoop into their panties. Your young boys will not be spared either. And their fiery lusty eyes will not be taken off from thy green fields. Look upon them like the fox; revere them like you would, the lion.

CULLED FROM “RELIGION: THE ULTIMATE CURSE ON MANKIND” by Imoh “Son Of David”

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100 YEARS A FRAUD: THE METAMORPHOSIS OF A TICKING TIME BOMB (NIGERIA) PART 3

PART 3: THE NORTH NEVER WANTED NIGERIA TO BE CREATED

After the expiration of the Richards constitution, Bernard Bourdillon, who was Governor General of Nigeria between 1935 and 1943, brought some modifications into the Clifford constitution which later became the foundation of the 1946 constitution. His aim was to unite the North and South in a unitary legislative council in Lagos; however, the Northern leaders rejected such move. Since they were British subjects, they had later or no choice in determining their affairs.

On 1st April, 1953, Anthony Enahoro, a member of the Action Group from the Western Region, moved a motion that the House of Representatives accept “as a primary political objective the attainment of self-government for Nigeria in 1956.” Members from the Northern region objected to the motion, as such, there was division in the assembly.

Ahmadu Bello suggested to the House that the motion be modified and read to the house and accepted as “as a primary political objective the attainment of self-government for Nigeria ‘AS SOON AS PRACTICABLE.’ Another Northern member of the House afterwards moved a motion for adjournment, a move which did not go down well with the AG members. On sighting that, the members of the Action Group in the council protested and resigned. They were: bode Thomas, S. L Akintola, Arthur Prest and Adesoji Aderemi. Since there was no replacement for the Action Group members that resigned, Ahmadu Bello’s suggested amendment was passed. The Northern members were confronted by angry mobs in Lagos who lambasted them and called them all sorts of names. These embittered the Northerners greatly.

On May 16, 1953, when S. L. Akintola led a delegation to the Northern region to campaign for self-succession, a riot broke-out between the Northerners and the Southerners who were mainly Yorubas and Ibos. The riot which lasted for 4 days claimed many lives of Southerners in the North and over 250 people were injured. This was the beginning of the manifestation of a bloody union and deadly years of coercion ahead. This should have served as a lesson to us and the colonialists but they still insisted on the forceful coercion of this union. We never learn and we still refuse to.

Seeing this, the Northern leaders realized that the Nigerian union was irreconcilable and fatal; they Northerners on May 1953 in a meeting held in Kaduna sought for secession and the adoption of an 8 point program:
– THAT EACH REGION SHOULD HAVE ITS OWN LEGISLATIVE AND EXECUTIVE AUTONOMY IN ALL MATTERS EXCEPT DEFENSE, EXTERNAL AFFAIRS, CUSTOMS AND CERTAIN RESEARCH INSTITUTES.
– THAT THERE SHOULD BE NO CENTRAL LEGISLATURE OR CENTRAL EXECUTIVE FOR THE ENTIRE NIGERIA
– THAT A NON-POLITICAL BODY SHOULD CONSTITUTE A CENTRAL AGENCY FOR THE COUNTRY TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MATTERS NOT ALLOCATED TO THE REGIONS
– THAT THE CENTRAL AGENCY SHOULD OPERATE FROM A NEUTRAL TERRITORY, PREFERABLY LAGOS.
– THAT THE COMPOSITION OF THE CENTRAL AGENCY BE DEFINED BY THE LAW ESTABLISHING IT
– THAT RAILWAYS, AIR SERVICES, PORTS, ELECTRICITY, POSTS AND TELEGRAPHS AND COAL MINING BE REORGANIZED AND BE ADMINISTERED BY PUBLIC CORPORATIONS
– THAT ALL REVENUE EXCEPT CUSTOM DUTIES BE LEVIED AND COLLECTED BU THE REGIONS, AND THAT THE ADMINISTRATION OF THE CUSTOMS BE ORGANIZED IN SUCH A WAY AS TO ENSURE THAT GOODS FOR EACH REGION WERE SEPARATELY CLEARED AND CHARGED TO DUTY
– THAT EACH REGION SHOULD HAVE ITS OWN SEPARATE PUBLIC SERVICE.

In July 1953, the Secretary of State for Colonies, Oliver Lyttleton presided over a conference in London where the Nigerian political leaders from all regions were invited. The Northerners declined from attending the conference but after constant pressure from the Colonialist they gave in. It should be noted that the Northerners had no choice but to give in to the pressure of their colonial masters who at the time were dictators. If it were to be in normal circumstances of free will, the Northerners at that time would have completely opted from the conference and the Nigerian union. Even Lyttleton himself after watching the drama that unfold at the conference, remarked that “IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR THESE PEOPLE TO COEXIST AS ONE ENTITY”.

At the London conference, the Northerners were forced to abandon their eight point agenda and secession which would have turned Nigeria to a confederation state or simply a custom union. Another opportunity that we would have made things right was simply thrown away into the garbage can and today, we are paying the price.

The conference which began in London continued in Lagos in 1954. Under the dictates of Oliver Lyttleton, a constitution was adopted which is called “THE LYTTLETON CONSTITUTION”, and in that constitution, the Action Group requested that the right of regions to secede should not be recognized. True to their bidding, the Lyttleton constitution granted their request.

PART 4: THE COST OF A COERCED UNION: THE CRISIS, CHAOS, BLOODBATH AND BLOODSHED

100 YEARS A FRAUD: THE METAMORPHOSIS OF A TICKING TIME BOMB (NIGERIA)

PART 1: THE BEGINNING OF THE FRAUDULENT FIEFDOM

It is of great prudence that the earlier we tell ourselves the truth in this country called Nigeria, the imminent our salvation. After recent tensions in the political atmosphere, it was glaring that that the volcano was getting warmed up, as such a sovereign national conference was demanded to negotiate the myriad tentacles demonizing the nation. In a very disappointing move, the government, took away the sovereignty part and organized a national conference, which is very habitual of the country to continually lie to itself that there is unity among then. Before the conference was converged, the president was apt to say that the unity and continuity of the existence of the Nigeria State was out of the table, and just before anything can come-out from the conference, the bombs came lashing, and this should wake us from our slumber to the reality that this nation cannot peacefully coexist. First all, let’s get out mind through the timeline of history to see how came about this coerced nation:
Once upon a time, there was no nation like NIGERIA, but there were Ibos, Yorubas, Hausas, Fulanis, Ibibios, Efiks, and a lot others, and most importantly, there was peace. There were established system of governments, the tribal entities were all happy and minding their businesses. But meanwhile, somewhere in Europe at the Berlin conference of 1884 and 1885, The Europeans were busy sharing and portioning West Africa between themselves; France, Britain, Germany, Portugal allotted land masses and colonies in their desire to conquer, loot and rule. This was the beginning of the tragedy we face today. The dehumanization and destruction of lives, Culture, identity, and above all mentality of the African as a whole is still lingering and we are yet to awake from such historic calumny.

On 27 December 1851, the British secretary Beecroft, instructed the British Consul for the “BIGHTS OF BENIN AND BIAFRA” (PLEASE NOTE THE NAMES OF THESE PLACES BEFORE THE CREATION OF NIGERIA) to attack Lagos. The king of Lagos, Kosoko was outlawed and Akitoye replaced him because he was willing to accept the British rule, thus Lagos was the first area the British occupied in Nigeria after a treaty between Akitoye and the British was signed on the protection of missionaries, bilateral trade, etc on 1 January, 1852. And on August 6, 1861, Lagos became the possession of the British and a colony in 1862.

Like a wild fire, the British spread their conquest to other spheres. Treaties were signed, wars were fought, prisoners/slaves were taken, blood was spilled and lives were destroyed. Not until 1914 amalgamation by Lord Lugard, territories were administered separately and distinctly and not as a single country. Different policies and modus operandi were employed in different territories. The southern territories saw direct rule while the North had the indirect rule system. After the amalgamation in 1914, the indirect rule system was introduced in all parts of the territories.

However, before the amalgamation, the British tried different methods to establish a relationship between the North and the South, but it failed, due to the cultural and orientation differences between the ethnicities. Nigeria is merely a forceful coercion of sundry Geographical entities and ethnic groups; it is a forceful experimentation of geographical expressions. The first step of this experiment began on the 1st of May, 1906 when the British merged the Colony of Lagos with southern protectorate. At that time, citizens or individuals occupying the colony and protectorates were called a BRITISH SUBJECT or CITIZEN OF THE COLONY and PROTECTORATE

PART 2: THE NORTHERNERS NEVER WANTED NIGERIA TO BE CREATED…….

God Does Not Call The Chinese And Why

The most profitable place on earth anyone should be a preacher and pastorpreneur is China. China’s population is over 1.351 billion, the largest of any country in the world. Here in Nigeria where a pastor of a new and “SMALL” church can be seen struggling with 10 to 25 members, but that won’t be the case in China which makes about 20% of the world’s population. A small church in China would at least have between 3,000 to 25,000 members in a single church service. And a very large church like Nigeria’s Winners Chapel of Bishop Oyedepo in Ota which boasts of about 300,000 worshipers in a single service, if it were to be converted to a Chinese version, it would be smiling between 30 million to 100 million worshipers per service.

The analysis is very interesting and could give a Nigerian preacher a hard dick to go start up a Church in China. But sadly, China is one of the worst places any aspiring or an already established pastorpreneur should establish a church; they will all go broke! Have you ever heard of a pastor Xi Chung or Prophet Lee Chang or a Bishop Feng Chi or even an Imam Zhang Wei or an Alfa Wang Xiu? Of course not! Even if they exist, they are as many as a Monk Oyedepo, Monk Adeboye, Monk Mensa, and Monk Imoh.

Of course God doesn’t call the Chinese and Japanese, I’ll tell you why. The reason why the acclaimed God that called Bishop Oyedepo and pastor Adeboye of Nigeria would not call a Bishop Wang Chi or a Prophet Li feng is because that God knows you cannot tell a Ying Jing that works in auto-company that you drove from Benin to Lagos on an empty fuel tank, neither can you convince a Li Na, a female medical doctor that a Jewish skydaddy impregnated a virgin (without a penis and a sperm) to give birth to his son (which is also himself), so that he’ll sacrifice his son (himself) to his sky version so that he can forgive mankind of the sin he alone is responsible for convicting them. You just can’t do that.

Skydaddy knows that you cannot tell a Chinese factory worker that it is better to pray than to produce. Skydaddy knows you cannot tell a Chinese banker and economist that you should pay your tithe and offering for a blessing to drop from the sky! Skydaddy knows these things, that’s why he’ll never call a Bishop Xi Tai to a so called ministry cos the Chinese are bad markets!

But when skydaddy looks around, he’ll ask himself “who can I tell that I live in the sky?” He’ll ask who is more likely to believe that the Chicken came before the egg? Who is the perfect person that can believe that prayers move mountains? He looks around and searches, then sees the Oyedepos and Adeboyes and screams EUREKA!

Unlike the Chinese who cannot be told that their ancestors were SINNERS, skydaddy knows that the African needs very little effort to be convinced that not only his ancestors were sinners, but his future generations as well, and also he is cursed by God because of his ancestors, as such he’ll have to spend his entire life on the knees pleading and begging Skydaddy for a so called mercy and forgiveness to be deserving of a heaven he can only partake after death.

Unlike the Chinese who labour vigorously and applied pragmatism to become the world’s second largest economy, skydaddy knows the African believer wouldn’t want such long labour and rigorous planning that involves thinking and policy making, skydaddy opted for the African like the Nigerians, cos he knows they’ll buy the idea that they can pray to become the world’s largest economy in 2025.

The Chinese have image nausea and skydaddy knows this. The Chinese cannot fathom the image of some curl-hair Jewish man with a European look as a son of God and saviour of man kind. Rather than subject his son (which is also himself) to ridicule and rejection, skydaddy will opt for the African who is ever ready swallow this without resistance.

God does not call the Chinese man!

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
CULLED FROM: “DEITIES AND FANTASIES” by Imoh “Son Of David”

Buhari, APC, the Northern Elites and Boko Haram: connecting the dots…

On September 25, 1997, the Israeli secret service in an attempt to hit at the Hamas leadership through it’s MOSSAD agents injected a poisonous toxin into the ears of the Palestinian political leader of the Hamas movement; Khaled Meshaal. Although the Israeli MOSSAD agents were apprehended, Kahled Meshaal was far from fettle for it was only the Israelis that owned the antidote that could cure him. And this was the ultimate aim of the Israelis; to create a problem only they (the Israelis) can solve. The Jordanian government and Hamas made all kinds of threats, but it fell on the deaf ears of the Israeli government. The more they threaten, the more the condition of the Hamas leader was getting closer to a point of no return. Seeing they had no hope or solution to the problem, they chose to negotiate with the Israelis, who in turn gave them the antidote.

THE NIGERIAN CASE: In a bid to dismiss the current insurgency crisis in Northern Nigeria as a Northern agenda, some people argue that Boko Haram had existed before the leadership of President Goodluck Jonathan. This is true but it does not rule-out the myriad evidences and arguments to support the claims that Boko Haram is a Northern agenda and creation to distabilize the government of President Jonathan.

To raise a wild dog, one must first of all nurture and train it from infancy for sometime before it finally becomes fit at the desired time needed to unleash it. Today, Boko Haram seems to appear to be like the wild dog which doesn’t hid to the voice of its master anymore.

General Buhari and the APC have boasted that only them can solve the Boko Haram crisis. Their claims may sound political but like the case of the Israeli poisoning, APC and General Buhari could truly be the ones that have the antidote of the Boko Haram menace if and only if it is their creation.

General Buhari and the APC are in a habit of mocking and dismissing all efforts of the present government in combating the insurgency. When the government shows a desire to negotiate with the sect, they’ll pelt criticisms at such moves. When the government uses the military to combat the militia, they’ll cry foul, saying force should not be used. The solution they’ve offered to us is simply “vote us in and it’ll be over”.

General Buhari among his many reckless statements is quoted to have said that the Boko Haram insurgents are freedom fighters and not terrorists. This statement alone leaves us in bewilderment. The Boko Haram militia doesn’t call itself terrorists, to them they are freedom fighters, fighting for a cause. And it is only one who is a member of the sect or sympathetic to their cause that will argue that the militias are freedom fighters. The evil this sect has committed is so overwhelming and even recently they invaded a high school in Yobe state, killing several school children then absconded with the female students. Is this what a sound person would call FREEDOM FIGHTING? To call them freedom fighters is to approve of their acts and be sympathetic to their cause.

Recently, it has been said the terrorist group released the names of people on their wanted list. Buhari and some APC stalwarts were among the names mentioned, so I heard. I read they went ahead to warn the APC and Northern elites that they desire a President Jonathan in power. How can anyone fall for such a cheap deceit? Those mentioned on the list more than anyone else such be suspected of sponsoring the group. The Boko Haram group has severally repeated that they desire an Islamic state governed by the Shariah law.

During the time the government seek to negotiate with the militia group, the group refused, blatantly citing that they cannot negotiate on the terms of a non-muslim (President Jonathan), because to them a non-muslim is a “najis” (one of the filthiest thing possible as stated in the Islamic doctrine). They stated that until the President vacates power for a muslim ruler, then will they consider speaking of negotiations. To show their dogmatism on the matter, when former President, Olusegun Obasanjo visited a relative of their former spiritual leader who was killed by the government, the sect launched an immediate assassination on the man who spoke with the former president, citing he has erred the Islamic principle of the sect in accommodating and negotiating with a non-muslim. How can we forget so quickly?

Boko Haram which is pro-Islamization cannot support a non-muslim and anything unislamic. What they have just done in naming the purporting people on their hit list is called “Taquia”. Taquia is deceiving and playing con on your enemies. Taquia is permited in Islam to advance the cause of Allah and deceive your enemies.

What Boko Haram has just done is an attempt to arouse the gullible in pointing fingers at the government of President Jonathan as their sponsor and patron and the one whose interest they are fighting to protect, hence, Buhari and the rest of the crew as their targets, thus pushing the electorates on the side of their team. Elections is just by the corner, let’s not forget.

It is reasonable to say that Boko Haram has directly shown us those they are sympathetic of and probably their sponsors. To protect them, they are trying to make them appear like their target and supposed enemy. This is just a childish hoodwink, the desperation to clinch to power has never been so easily exposed through this. By the way, let’s not forget who was quoted to have said :
“If what happened in 2011 should happen again in 2015, by the grace of God, the dog and the baboon would all be soaked in blood.”
Connect the dots….

THE UNBELIVER’S GUIDE: The four types of Christians and the ONE you must avoid PT 2

…Continuation from Part1

2. THE LEVEL-PLAYING CHRISTIAN aka SUNDAY-SERVICE CHRISTIAN.

The level-playing aka the Sunday-service Christians make-up about 50% of the Christian echelon. Just like their name says, they are the “regular” christians whose righteousness and holiness are at its peak on Sundays.

You know the type of Christians that talks shit from Monday to Saturday, act very radical from Monday to Saturday, but as soon as its 5am on Sunday morning, they’ll be acting like they’ve been washing hands with Jesus for a 100 years. They are the type that’ll come out from the Club by 4am in the morning rush home, get dressed and go to church with a duck-face.

One thing I love about these folks is their sunday-service drama; they’re the first to drop to their knees at the sound of the worship song. They know Kirk Franklin’s Songs more than Kirk Franklin. The lady Christian in this category are the first to detonate tears to the lord when worship songs with lyrics like “Jesus I love you”, “You make my life beautiful”, “You make me complete”, etc. The weight of their crocodile-tears will make the Jesus crucifix be wondering who is really the one crucified here.

One thing characteristic about them is their Sunday-service apparels. They dress so good to church even the pastor would be threatened to raise more tithes and offerings to keep up with the satin competition. The females in this genre, dress so good, even the Pastor’s wife would be wondering if there are contenders for her position. She’ll transfer the burden of competition on her husband who’ll transfer the burden to the congregation to give more onto the Lord.

If they are the hat-wearing Christians, their hat would be so large to shelter an umbrella from the rain, their high-heel shoes never disappoints the church’s floor. “Koi koi koi”, says the church tile as they saunter across the church auditorium with their I-pad and samsung tablets. In those days, they were recipients of fancy/colourful bibles, but thanks to the god of Samsung/Apple and all things tablet. These category of Christians are the biggest patronizers of tablet devices just for the Sunday show. In a place like Nigeria, it is now very trendy. As a matter fact, Nigerian Pentecostal Christians have taken it to another level with their Gucci, Prada, I-pad/tablets pouches, it is now an operation “show-me -your-pouche”.

Unlike the former (the Indifferent Christian) who only knows John 3:16 and Psalms 23, the Sunday-service christians knows a bit more like the Malachi tithing verse, a couple of Jesus verses and quotes, Paul’s ego-boosting rhetoric like “by his stripes I’m healed”, “He became poor, that we might be rich”, “The kingom of God suffereth violence…. And violence taketh it by force”, etc. If they are the pentecostals, they will know how to spew a few shits aka speak-in-tongues.

The ridiculous thing about these group of christians, is that they barely know the bible but they’ll know all the words of the preacher. You’ll hear them regurgitate stuffs like “Pastor Chris said…”, “The other day when Papa was filled with the anointing, he declared….”, “My Papa in the Lord always says…”, etc. Their knowledge and ignorance is kow-towed to “Papa says”

The Pastors love these kinds of Christians, for they are the first to respond to SEED calling and donations. Their payment of tithe is not an option, there is no contest on this one, the pastor is at ease that his bank account is ever smiling cos of these folks.

One very recurrent characteristic of these folks is that when they return home from Service, they’ll be singing aloud to the neighbourhood, so that we’ll know he/she went to church. You may not even have to ask them, they’ll generous tell you “Service was great today mehnnn, it was so powerful today, you missed”.

On the social media like facebook, every Sunday morning, their duty is to post statuses like this : “Good morning friends, make sure you go to church today, it is good to praise the Lord”, “In the presence of God there is fullness of Joy, *off to church*, catch ya later”. Then after Church hours, they’ll post stuffs like “Service was explosive! I felt blessed”, “This is my week of celebration! Today’s sermon was powerful, God bless my pastor, I was touched”, etc

These kind of Christians may not necessarily like the atheists or the unbelievers, they mostly have this “Holy-than-thou mentality”. A lot of them are hypocrites. In a place like Benin city, they’ll go to the shrine on saturday then go to the church on Sunday. To them, if you don’t go to church on Sundays, you’re toast! Their religitard level is 60%.

Part 3: The Proper Religitard….

Asari Dokubo and The War Drummers

Asari Dokubo should be left to roam freely. He is a necessity and a great asset to the Southerners. The truth should be told, the name Nigeria is a territorial fraud and an artificial fiefdom, where prince are made to crawl while the slaves ride on horses. What do I mean by this? I’ll explain shortly but let’s travel back in time: Sir Ahmadu Bello, the Gambari Prince of the North and the leader of the Northern Peoples’ Congress said this: “The new nation called Nigeria should be an estate of our great grandfather Othman Dan Fodio. We must ruthlessly prevent a change of power. We use the minorities in the north as willing tools and the south as a conquered territory and never allow them to rule over us and never allow them to have control over their future.” – Parrot Newspaper October 12, 1960. I wasn’t born in the 1960s, neither did I witness the late Ahmadu Bello making the statement above, but this is a statement no Northern Elite or institution in Nigeria has debunked. The Northerners, more than any tribe in Nigeria has ruled this nation both in despotism and democracy. Never at anytime has the southerners revolt against any Northern leadership in the name of “We Must Rule.” Today where a southerner in the person of President Jonathan through accidental arrangement came to the sit of power, we have come to sadly assume that the Northern elite has this “born-to-rule-mentality” just like their idol Ahmadu Bello was quoted. Nigeria today is serviced through the oil wells in the South. The Northerners more than any tribe in Nigeria has looted the wealth of this nation and yet they are insatiable of this. As if looting was the only act of aggression they have committed, they even took their aggression further with their ethnic jingoism to engage in a spurious ethnic cleansing through religious riots and now, terrorism to cause anarchy for the sitting government of Nigeria. Every bloodbath that took place in Northern Nigeria saw to it that the Southerners and non-muslims were wiped-out while their Northern counterparts walk freely on the streets of the South. What more can be defined as an ultimate turpitude than this? The average Northerner sees the Southerner as a potential enemy that must be subdued, conquered and ruled but at the same time, they insist on the continuity of this ticking time-bomb of a coerced settlement, Nigeria, simply because they are unable to do without the oil wells in the South . And thanks to the predominance of the Islamic indoctrination in the North, to the Northern muslim (as stated in the Qu’ran) a non-muslim is a “najis” (filthiest thing ever). To the staunch Northern muslim, being ruled by a non-muslim is a taboo, hence, the birth of boko haram. To even prove this further, Gen Buhari, a former head of state and a supposed Statesman and patriot called a terrorist organization like Boko Haram “Freedom fighters”. How can any reasonable man call terrosists freedom fighters? A group that has vehemently made their stance known, that they want Nigeria to be Islamized, is this what Buhari calls freedom fighting? During an interview on BBC Hausa , Buhari was quoted to have said “If what happened 2011 should happen again in 2015, by the grace of God, the dog and the baboon would all be soaked in blood.” Why must the North be habitual in threatening the entire nation? Before the election of President Goodluck Jonathan in 2011, the likes of Adamu Ciroma said that the North will make the country ungovernable for any Southerner that emerges as President, today, we are gifted with the Boko Haram menace. What makes Asari Dokubo any worse than him or his fellow war drummers? Asari Dokubo comes from a part of the country that have known negligence all through its years of existence. He comes from the minority ethnic group whose natural resources the Northerners have looted and impoverished over the years and yet when his kinsman is opportune to occupy the sit of power, the same Northerners who have looted the resources of his land are threatening violence and hell like it is the same way the Southerners did to them in all their many years of evil, corruption and plunder? To put it mildly, the North is an ingrate of a neighbour; talking about the proverbial people that bites the finger that fed them. Asari Dokubo has every reason to reciprocate every threat and beat the war drums. The Northern elites have been over-tolerated, such that they have over-estimated their importance. What manner of madness is this? When the Southerners want to disintegrate and become an autonomous region, they’ll say no way, now the South wants to get a shot at power, they are giving everyone sleepless nights. It is hightime someone informs these unuseful Northern cabal that we are satiated with their dramas and buffonery! Gone are the days of “BORN TO RULE”, “I AM SUPERIOR”, etc if they cannot live peacefully with the rest of the nation, they should just disintegrate. We are sick of their nonsense! Nobody is willing to tolerate their excesses any longer. Gone are the days we use to babysit jackasses, now its an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth! Please let Asari Dokubo be; for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction! Asari Dokubo is reacting in tandem with natural irritability which all the Southerners do share!!